this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
106 points (94.9% liked)

The Onion

4161 readers
6 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
106
Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
19 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are Ryder’s parents?

“I see that kid zooming around town on his ATV at all hours of the day and night,” expressed one concerned citizen. “Doesn’t he have a bedtime? And where are his parents when he’s operating heavy machinery without any formal training? I have never even heard his parents being referenced, let alone seen proof that they exist. The kid can’t be more than 10 years old! Where are social services?”

Read the rest of the satire news article here on TattletaleTimes.com

top 19 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 months ago (2 children)

My head canon is that he's a severely autistic teenager with billionaire tech parents that develop AI-based autonomous robotic helpers. They gave him a bunch (mostly dog shaped) and a literal warehouse built to be Adventure Bay, so he lives out his days happy and "helping people" with his pups. In reality he's beta testing his parents' prototypes with edge cases no regular user could even think to come up with. The show is what Ryder thinks is happening, but it's 50% in his head, and 50% enabled by his parents' products. He is a more closely guarded secret than all of their IP combined. He doesn't exist as far as anyone knows.

We don't speak of how many pups get destroyed, or what fluids may get into them.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I assumed Rider’s comatose. Your story sounds far less depressing.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Most likely reason.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

So are these dreams or nightmares?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Most likely nightmares. I used to theorize Chickaletta was Ryder’s subconscious awareness he was trapped. Mayor Goodway was a characterization of his nurse. Each pup, was a partial representation of the 7 deadly sins.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I can't think of anything that is more plausible than this so I'm going to adopt this canon as well

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm just gonna leave this here

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

I'll have whatever hallucinations that person is having! Fun read, thanks

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

they fell out of lighthouses. separate incidents.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

do you think Putin has anything to do with this? political enemies falling out of windows is his MO!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

i bet pimento knows

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The entire show is canonically just there to sell toys to children and it works.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is true and it's why my floor is constantly covered with these damn toys and my kids are still asking whatever the new one is

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

There is a simple way to solve the problem.

Say no. Nobody should buy that shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's not just to sell toys; it's also copaganda for toddlers.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

No its literally just to sell toys, wich was admitted by the two people that made the thing.

And there is no such thing as "copaganda" id rather say it's literally ancap propaganda rather than anything, like... Bro there is one dude that monopolized basically all public services.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I’d love to have, like, 1/10 of Ryder’s annual budget.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Is the paw patrol tax payer funded? If so, Adventure Bay citizens need to start a protest for blatant misuse of funds and child labor offenses

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I have a theory about Ryder. I think he is secretly Bruce Wayne, Ryder is his codename. Hence, he has the funds to build extreme HQs, train some awesome dogs, and teach them how to drive vehicles. This also covers why his parents are not around as they were murdered. I am waiting for the series to end after one of the pups dies on duty, and he realizes he can only rely on himself to keep everyone safe.