this post was submitted on 19 May 2024
116 points (96.8% liked)

Not the Onion

2075 readers
1 users here now

For true stories that are so ridiculous, that you could have sworn it was an !theonion worthy story.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 21 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Man, can you imagine, the meaningless platitudes that are normally said at these ceremonies, but it's not even a human speaker, but rather an overengineered loudspeaker.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

That sucks bro... hey have you considered contributing more to our new AI initiative? We're heading to the maximum future, today!

img

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Meaningless? I've listened to some excellent graduation speaches. Chris Hedges comes to mind

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, I think, we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. I know, I'm on the extreme side with never having liked such a ceremony. I think, it's because I simply stop feeling represented with the kind of generic speech you get when addressing more than a dozen people, because I guess, I'm just too special of a snowflake...

[–] [email protected] -3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

So we should all shut up and stop calling for an end to genocide because its "generic speech"?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No, that's not a generic speech to me. In that case, you're motivating a specific political issue and trying to convince anyone who's still on the fence. Contentious political issues have always been excluded from the ceremony speeches I attended.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Why? That's kinda their responsibility. Especially now, during a genocide.

Anyone who was speaking at a graduation now and didn't call for action against the war is failing miserablely

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You're right, what Russia is doing in Ukraine is tantamount to genocide

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Ethnic cleansing*

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The real question is did the ai go on and on (like my commencement speaker who narrated their life), Or was it a short speech?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Most likely a prerecorded message, whoever rented out that clanker probably did not want to leave anything to chance.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

It did have a Q&A section where you could ask the robot questions.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And always remember! Be bold! Be brave! Sorry, but as a large language model I am unable to assess ethical questions of that nature! And always follow your dreams!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Also, sign up for the military, I hear ~~we~~ they are offering some great deals!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Was the valedictorian a Palestinian that got replaced again?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

Imagine paying all that money to find out your uni doesn’t give a shit about you at all.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Kids in highschool during the pandemic are graduating college now 🤯

Getting old is so weird.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

A family friend graduated from a liberal arts college, had an R congressperson come for commencement. He just rambled about AI and also medical advancements like the US hasn't had a falling life expectancy. Probably a pretty similar speech to this robot's.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

the moment of the Butlerian Jihad comes one step closer

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

The "Ex Machina" sequel is going way too far to believable, they really need to dial back on the surrealist black comedy.