this post was submitted on 22 May 2024
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Not that I'm having this issue, but my wife and I are considering a second kid and this is a thought I've had.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago

Treat them like individuals with their own interests and make time for each of them individually.

[โ€“] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's funny, you think you will run out of love but you won't.

It is likely you will feel closer to one than the other, people are individuals, even kids, but your wife may be closer to the other, and they also will have each other. Don't worry just love them.

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is what's so wild about my relationship with my first. I love her so much it literally pains me. I can't get enough of the smiles and hugs and laughter.

I can't imagine it would be different with a second, but eventually they grow up and become their own people.

You don't get to choose your family and I don't think it's always possible to be friends with your parents. (Mostly because I don't think I'd be friends with my dad outside of our familial relationship).

But I would hate for that to happen with even just one of my children.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

You grow more love with every precious moment you share with each child.

[โ€“] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Not sure if you're a dad, but you might get some good responses if you cross post this to [email protected].

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's a long game. A connection with one for decades might be eclipsed by a connection with the other for a day

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Yes, and also closeness changes with time. It has been like this in my family. I've felt more close to one or the other of my parents over the years depending on what I was doing but I don't remember having a problem with it. That said, my parents made sure to treat us both equally as kids, and if they felt closer to one of us they didn't let it show.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Interesting thought. Would you say you're an anxious type of person in general?

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No, not at all. Having children brings out all the apprehension and nervousness that could possibly exist within you.

Plus, I never had a great relationship with my dad, whereas my brother did.

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Is your dad still alive?

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I'm close to the polar opposite type of personality from my family. It is not fun. My father had lots of preconceived notions and stereotypes that were not grounded in reality. My sister amplified the problems greatly. Either of us would have been better off as only children.

First kids get the inheritance because they're the mulligan. The only first born kids I know of that have done really well in life are those that are only children.

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

It will change as they age.