this post was submitted on 27 May 2024
347 points (95.1% liked)

The Onion

4161 readers
49 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

In a quiet suburban neighborhood where minivans outnumber streetlights, a group of women have been ingeniously disguising their love of wine as a book club. While their intentions may be transparent to everyone else, these winos insist that their guise is a stroke of genius. “It’s a sophisticated literary club that explores classic as well contemporary novels, okay? We don’t have a wine problem. We can stop anytime we want!” said club president, Charlotte Chardonnay, as she poured herself another glass of Merlot. “We appreciate literature just as much as we appreciate a glass of wine filled to the brim. Why not combine the two?”

Read the rest of the article here at TattletaleTimes.com

top 23 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Is day drinking slowly but surely becoming a problem? On tinder, wine seems to be the most important thing for most women i see. Or at least in the top 3. A lot of women have like 4 pictures and holding wine in three of them. A lot can not comprehend that i never drink at all.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago

Between all the crises threatening civilization, I'd say the only problem is if the wine runs out.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If anything, it's an unaddressed symptom of suburban life since long before either of us were born. My aunt, for instance, went full trad wife in the 90s and her schedule is mostly morning jog, wine, TV, wine, fight with her husband, wine, bed. Must be a bottle a day at least.

I heard in the 50s it was even worse with valium abuse but rather than call it a problem, I think symptom is more apt since life isn't very rewarding or exciting when you're trapped in suburbia and chained to your husband.

Hey at least in the fictional world of the onion, these women are drinking together and not alone.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. Alcoholics in denial skyrocketed during the pandemic, only with a cutesy veneer of "wine moms" and the like.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't know where you get that this is a suburban thing, alcoholism in the US was more rampant in the 19th and very early 20th century than it has been since. You might read up on Prohibition

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

A lot less women drank back then from what I understand (and similarly it was women that led the movement against alcohol). Even in the mid to late 20th century the gender bias was toward men, but it's pretty close to 50/50 in this century.

Whether suburbia independently increased alcohol consumption amongst women is another question, and so you'd need to compare drinking levels between different locations.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It's only a problem when I run out 🤪 (or the neighbors dogs over (again))

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Your sentence consists of bringing a higher-than-usually priced bottle of wine from the top shelf on the next occasion. This post is legally binding and enforceable.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Women wistfully holding glasses of wine together. So hot right now

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

For sure, I couldn't find a free stock photo that matched what I wanted so I went with Bing Creator and I thought this looked nice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Yep. I got a very similar result using almost the exact title as the prompt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Why not both?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Oh no! I'm found out!😆

[–] [email protected] -5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

boomer humor with a millennial after taste

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago