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A seating chart for an "8 HOUR FLIGHT" with the text "PICK YOUR SEAT" at the top. The chart is composed of 10 numbered seats, each occupied by a different famous Republican politician or public figure, or the devil. Each number represents a seat, and each seat is either adjacent to or between one or two different individuals.
I was gonna pick 7 but holy shit I can sit next to SATAN? HELL YEAH #3 ALL THE WAY Maybe I can talk him into taking this whole plane straight to hell. I'll end up going with it but my eternal suffering is worth sparing the earth the misery of these absolute scum. I might feel bad about Hulk Hogan though. Yeah he's deranged and chose the wrong side, but I feel more like he's lost and confused rather than as overtly malignant as the rest of these dipshits.
edit: ok yeah if the hulkster burns too that's actually good for the world.
This might change the way you feel: https://www.thesportster.com/how-hulk-hogan-ruined-wrestling-unions-explained/
Can I take the pilot seat and fly us all into the next mountain?
#3 would at the very least have good stories
10
Lindsey Graham is a piece of shit, but he's an entertaining piece of shit. Not to mention, he's like the yappy little Chihuahua that barks bloody murder at whoever the bigger dog he's hiding behind doesn't like -- I'm pretty sure I could get him on side to shit-talk Thomas to his face for at least the last half of the flight.
Seat 9. She may be nuts, but she's clearly horny for attention too, so ehh, I'll hit that. The other one will probably grumble and ignore us.
I spent a significant portion of a train trip sick in the bathroom once and I think I'd just repeat that....
EDIT: You think I could manage to get a handy if I pick 9?
5, but I'm spending the whole flight suggesting we seduce the seats into a foursome.
Things to say: Seat 1: You failed your teachers. Everyone strives to be smarter, yet you keep running from it
Seat 2: You paid 130k to sleep with some once once? Doesn't sound like a great deal to me.
Seat 3: Just end this entire plane and give "god" the credit.
Seat 4: You know you're a piece of shit.
Seat 5: So.... how fuckable are these cushions to you?
Seat 6: You know you both are pieces of shit right!
Seat 7: How were your nights in China/Chyna
Seat 8: I asked if the lady next to the alleged molester is actually Candace Owen's and not someone who looks like her and is being trafficked
Seat 9: pull out bag of popcorn
Seat 10: Why are you the way you are? Just why?
I'm taking 4. Sitting next to Alex Jones and showing him Wendigoon videos to see which ones he takes literally.
Realizing there are no good options (Satan aside, but look who you're sitting behind), I would end up in seat 10.
Vance will be preoccupied with seat 5. I expect Graham will fall asleep.
The back of the plane is usually a bit louder, so I'd just throw on my headphones and maybe occasionally kick the seatback.
Seat 8
Eat a kilo of cashews a few hours before boarding, make them really taste the horror, ideal location for diffusion. Maybe add some sorbitol gummy bears and refuse to leave my seat. I reckon I can make at least half vomit.
That's tough. I think I'll have to pick 4 just to stir tension between Alex Jones and Satan.
My second pick would be 8. I'd just repeatedly kick the back of McConnell's seat while asking gaetz if he sex traffics minors because adult women find him creepy. Oh also I'd eat a bunch of awful fast food, booze, and fiber so I'm farting up a death storm and hopefully gassing large marge. Talking to her is pointless. She can smell my fury instead.
Seat #7
I could probably find some kind of entertainment-value by talking to Hulk Hogan about "wrestling" or his career. The turtle will probably just sleep, or remain frozen in a transient-stroke-like state. Seems like the easiest.
In reality, it wouldn't really matter which seat I chose. I always go right tf to sleep on planes; because no, I don't want to talk with you, stranger
Though... maybe not next to Vance. I don't want him getting any weird ideas about my seat, if I were to get up to use the bathroom
Strangely, I have to say 5, because he seems like the only one there (including Satan) who'd stfu and leave me alone.
Either 2 or 4. Buy a couple drinks, set my phone to record, and just agree with everything they say... See how far you can get them to go
With these options, the only way I could enjoy the flight is by playing the Uno reverse card: I'm going to make each and every one of them regret flying in the same plane as me.
3, whole way I'm chanting "gay frogs! gay frogs! gay frogs!"
9, I'd tell space lasers nutjob to stfu and who wouldn't mind a nice handy, then I'd walk up to seat 2 and Mike Tyson the fool in the window seat.
Ehhh. I'll catch the next flight, and hope like hell this one crashes.
I'd go down with the ship for the good of mankind, but I have things I want to do.
9, and I'm eating alot of cabbage and garlic first.
This is a tough one. Initial thought is I'd sit next to Satan but then I'd have to smell Trumps poopy diaper. Maybe 9, at least there's the chance I'd get a HJ out of it.
I would willingly sit next to Alex Jones. That guy is hilarious.
I legit think he's super entertaining, just as long as you understand that everything he says is a lie.
Seat 7 and I'll do an impression of him the entire flight.
Better yet. Say you're going to do an impression of him over and over. Then just do Randy Savage. Oooooooooih yeaaaaaaah!