this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2024
492 points (98.8% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 140 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Anon has undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive behavior triggered by family trauma. Family guy sates his longing for a functional family where people talk to each other about what's bothering them, and an albeit formulaic structure, which he is missing in his real life.

[–] [email protected] 115 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

That's a very convenient diagnosis, but this is still armchair psychology

[–] [email protected] 101 points 2 weeks ago

Shut up, Meg

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Jokes on you, I don't even own an armchair.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

So you own a psychologist?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I keep him in a box, if that’s what you’re asking.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

But is he alive or dead in that box?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

yes, and also he is the armchair

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Wait til we get started about Sonic.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 weeks ago

shut up, Brian

[–] therealjcdenton 21 points 2 weeks ago

Or he could just really like family guy

[–] [email protected] 98 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Gee Louis, that reminds me of the time I lost my job after watching Family Guy for 48 hours straight

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago

CUT TO PETER AND HIS FATHER

PETER (screaming and fighting his father) You can't oppress me!

etc.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Bait used to be believable. Any respectable family guy fan KNOWS her name is LOIS and not LOUIS. wth. Next thing ykno this fella is going to say hes never heard of fingernails4cash.com

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah but it's autocorrect

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

It would be more believable if he was talking about the Cleveland Show.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 weeks ago

8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, 48 hours of Family Guy

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 weeks ago

is something wrong with me?

Yes

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

It's not that good a show. There's definitely something wrong with you.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I think anon never heard about the bird

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Is the word about a certain avian variety?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard…

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a...

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody's talking about the bird!

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird...

Surfin' bird

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb... [retching noises]... aaah!

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom

Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow

Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow

Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow

Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow

Well don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

[repeat to fade]

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

The bird is greater than or equal to the word.