TenForward: Where Every Vulcan Knows Your Name

For someone who gives this much of a shit about gender roles, you'd think they'd learn the correct forms of the word for an intended spouse.

My wife took my name, but I would not give the slightest shit if she didn't, which I made clear to her at the time.

We briefly discussed having a double-barrel surname, but writing that out would be a mild inconvenience that neither of us want.

What a narrow view. In other many places things are different and they function you know. In Brazil kids get the mother's surname.

My maiden name was awful to have. Other people liked it because it looked cool, but it was a hassle for everything even in the US, where at least part of it was well known. I then moved to Germany, where it was just totally foreign.

My married name is under three syllables (vs more than eight), easy to spell, and sounds as German as possible. My husband would have loved to take my last name, but we couldn’t do it the way we wanted to (German naming laws 🙃). I would really have liked to at least have been able to keep my maiden name as a middle name, but alas.

I still feel very weird (about a year out) about it, but there are way more good feelings than bad.

However, it’s really annoying that people now assume I’m German. I put in a shit load of work to learn German well as an adult, and my strongest skill is in pronunciation. That combined with my name means people think I’m just a native German who’s bad at grammar, and they don’t correct me anymore.

I always wanted to blend in as a native, I just didn’t think about the middle stretch where I just seem a bit dumb to others, both because of the language and cultural things that people now expect me to know (I thought it was called handkäse because you can eat the little rounds straight from the hand, no need for bread, until last year).

How normal is a maiden name? I thought mostly Christians did it. In a lot of cultures surname is just a father's name, so maiden concept never made sense to me.

Edit: confused maiden name with husband name.

I just see it as a hassle. Like why even bother? She would have to explain why she wants to take my name and I would try talking her out of it "What if we get a divorce in 7 years or so? Do you just have to change it back then?" I'm sure that would go over well

Marrying Jeffery Combs is like marrying 300 men at the same time, though. Every day he can just act like a different alien.

You can't expect a regressive to understand evolution. They are going backward faster than the rest of us are moving forward.

My fiance and I are considering creating a brand new last name that we both take.

There are tons of reasons why one might not want to change their name. At a minimum you have to send a form to the state, update any licenses you have, contact your banks, your insurance, your place of work... Best case scenario it's an annoying hassle to deal with.

Was I appreciative when my wife took my name? Sure. But that's mostly because we also share the same first name so it's hilarious to share the same last name. But I told her many times before we got married she didn't need to do it. I never expected that out of her.

If having a matching name is a big deal with you, then you can change your name.

There are lots of reasons for women to keep their maiden name. In the case of my wife, she had two good ones:

1. She didn't want to become disassociated from her scientific publications.

2. She didn't want to complicate or redo any immigration paperwork.

Women, don't marry men who won't take your name. That's a wall of separation he wants to keep between you. It won't be the only one.

What the fuck makes my name any better than hers? Fuck my name. I don't even want it.

It's fiancée. Fiancé is male.