this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 39 minutes ago

All that and no Reggae Reggae sauce?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

Those bottles on the right are getting pushed to the side.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 hours ago
[–] rumba 8 points 4 hours ago

Pretty much everything there is expired Some of those are so bad, it might have improved them.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
  1. Climb up somehow.

  2. Get a broom.

  3. Empty the staircase.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
  1. Get a broom
  2. Empty the staircase
  3. Climb up easily by using the now empty stairs
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

That would be the order if he was coming from the top. From the bottom, as photographed, this is a bit more of a problem.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago

Hands can work as brooms in a pinch.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago

I am used to brooms by the building entrance for use by any tenant. I would never use a broom indoors so i am not liekly to have a broom in my appartment unless i have a big balcony. So for me at least the opposite is true 🫠

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 hours ago

He can slide up the rail which is also a good workout. Anons are fat and have pimples and the workout will help with one of these things.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 hours ago

Me, who needs to walk down these stairs.

[–] [email protected] 98 points 16 hours ago (5 children)

And most of these would taste the same. Cheap and tasting strongly of vinegar.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 hours ago

The funniest part is franks redhot ends up being better because it's designed to be cheap and vinegary anyway lol.

Not a big fan of smokey sauces either where it feels like they just mixed in liquid smoke and some chili powder.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 hours ago

Accurate. I love hot sauces, but I have had to tell friends and family to never buy me hot sauce because chances are it will suck or be samey. Especially those gift packs they push around the holidays.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I used to keep a collection, until I found ones I liked. Now I have about 8 different types that are best for different foods.

Some are definitely cheap and vinegar (which go great on fried chicken), some are earthy and barely sour for soups.

Overall though, few sauces that aren't gigantic commercial varieties taste similar. Even Frank's, crystals, Texas Pete and Louisiana all have distinct flavors

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago

Exactly this! I keep a handful of different sauces for different foods, and I started making my own to fill in the gaps.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Fewer than you think, I'd bet.

This person clearly likes hot sauce, and buys a lot of it. Maybe they just buy literally everything, but maybe they're more selective. I'd bet some of them are fermented, and some are lighter on the vinegar taste, even if they water it down a bit to focus on the pepper flavor. It isn't that hard to make even a cheap sauce not taste too overwhelmingly of vinegar

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

This guy ain't selective.

Look at his selection.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 hours ago

I can't. Too blurry to read any labels and I don't consume enough hot sauce to know what it is by looking at the shape of the bottle/color of the label.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 15 hours ago

And I would eat them all.

[–] [email protected] 236 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (4 children)

Imagine running downstairs excitedly not knowing that any of this is there. You trip on a thousand little bottles crashing down the stairs, getting cut, scraped and basically opened up everywhere by broken glass and every opening getting filled with Carolina Reaper, Jamaican, Thai Chili, Texas barbecue and Louisiana Gumbo hot sauce. You smash your face on a bottle of Mama's Concentrated Habanero sauce, you're in so much pain and get ready to scream as a combination of Hank's Red Hot and Amanda's Hellfire go pouring into your mouth and nose. You can't see because a bottle of Mexican Tabasco broke on your forehead and now the mixture of your own blood and thick red sauce is slowly pouring into your eyes.

You breathe in once, scream and then pass out drowning in hot sauce, as your lifeless body goes sliding down the rest of the stairwell.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 27 minutes ago

I would rest easy knowing I destroyed this assholes hot sauce collection.

[–] [email protected] 91 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Disco Elysium shit right there lmao

quick, someone think up a quippy headline for the obituary

[–] [email protected] 80 points 18 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

"Local Man Accidentally Tests Ring of Fire, Loses."

-More at 8

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 hours ago

Hot stuff dies a cold death

[–] [email protected] 54 points 17 hours ago

The stairwell turns into one of those rescuer death traps like monoxide filled ground tanks.

An EMT runs in, screams when the wall of pain hits his lungs. No sound escaping his lungs as he drops unconcious from shock.

Not responsing, the emergency services send in more EMTs, all of them getting instantly deliciously marinated in the fumes of hell incarnate with a hint of garlic and mango

[–] [email protected] 24 points 18 hours ago

Eddie Murphy’s set about falling down the stairs remade by Michael Bay.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 hours ago

bottle rolls down the stairs test.

[–] indie_wall 16 points 14 hours ago

Kid's got issues.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly if I seen that after a long day at work, I'm walking through it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 hours ago

"...Kid I'm gonna go back outside and give you exactly 2 minutes to make me a path... "

[–] [email protected] 33 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

If you're going to be stupid, be smart about it. Only the right side should be used. Use caution cones. Idk. Or just don't do it.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

If you’re going to be stupid, be smart about it.

If only t'wer so simple.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 50 points 19 hours ago

Neighbors cat gets spooked by its own shadow, runs out the door, down the stairs, tripping over all the bottles, causing the house and neighborhood to be pepper sprayed by the breath of satan

[–] [email protected] 29 points 17 hours ago (6 children)

Why does one have a collection of hot sauce? I can deal with the concept of a collection of hot sauce BOTTLES.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

In my walkup? Wtf is a walkup?

[–] [email protected] 61 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

An apartment complex with stairs and without an elevator.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Is it more common in some areas vs others? I've never heard the term used in real life, but I understood it from context.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I don't know but I am from NYC. I only heard the term used there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

Makes sense. I haven't seen an apartment with an elevator in quite a while, so perhaps the distinction just doesn't matter here. Most apartment complexes here are 3 floors or less, and I think there's a cap at 5 floors or something for regular construction because the only ones bigger than that are the massive towers downtown.

[–] quinceyBones 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

So the entire complex is named that or just the stairwell?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

The building. A fifth floor walk up is very different than a fifth floor apartment with an elevator.

Stairs are just stairs.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

They should have left a path on the left side as you go up. Reason being it's easier to balance going up than going down, and the majority of the population has a stronger right hand to grip the rail. Personally I'd ask them to clear a path, because they might just have been stupid and jump to it, but if they don't I'd go shove a few out of the way on the bottom step with my foot, giving them time to change their mind before I continue on up, leaving bottles rolling down in my wake.

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