No friends, for the rest of their fucking lives. I hope 50 grand was worth your fucking soul. Bootlicker extreme
this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2024
457 points (99.1% liked)
The Onion
4703 readers
899 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
I do wonder if they wanted to be caught on some level chilling in a McDonalds on a laptop with a ghost gun in their backpack and a similar outfit, but more info will probably come out.
If he wanted to be caught, it's possible he made an anonymous tip on himself and the workers caught the blame. Just a thought.
Yeah I mean if this is the person and they were an Ivy league educated tech worker with no background in violence/war, one might feel pretty guilty and out of sorts after killing someone regardless whether that person deserved it or not, many things are possible
They’re not even getting the money. What a ducking joke.
This isn't even humor at this point. I'm legitimately starting to think The Onion is in the midst of transitional changes to becoming a legitimate news outlet that just reports news.
Like this one doesn't even seem absurd or funny. It just seems like the logical reaction people will have. This just comes off as a legit news report on an aburd situation. Rather than an absurd mocking news report on a realistically fake situatuation.
The joke here is a little more subtle. It's that this particular Maccas was already 1 star, so these reviews aren't actually hurting it. The reviews are just changing the reason given for being 1 star.
This isn't even the onion if you look at the link
and from the description of this community
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Welp. Now I feel a fool!
Scrollers diseased . I had to read it twice myself
I truly hope that rat is shunned and shamed everywhere they go.
I heard it was some boomer customer that ratted him out
That tracks.
It fits my bias so I believe it
On NPR.... "The real hero...." Fuck you McDonald's asshole! Let us known when you realize how stupid your decision was.
I would seriously never speak to someone again if I learned they were on a jury that convicted Luigi.
This is an orgy of evidence, and feels like an arrest stemming from some illegal surveillance or intel means, a pretend phone call, and planted evidence.
It feels so much like when the allies would crack japanese codes and send a patrol plane to find a target, and make an excuse to go for the kill.
"Food was so bad, I thought I was eating the rotten flesh of an overweight CEO. 0/5 stars"
Maybe they'll use the 50k to escape Altoona and move to a country with better health care.
This make me chuckle LOL.
Honestly, if Luigi gets convicted by a jury of his own peers, it will just further prove that the ultra wicked never get their come uppance while the working class always do. That is some bullshit. Also, fuck that mcdonalds employee.
Brian Thompson got his. You just can’t rely on the system to deliver their comeuppance.
If only!