There's Revolt that seems to be very similar to Discord. They even have instructions to self host on their github repo. Don't know if this matters, but as of right now it is not federated.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2023
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Self Hosted - Self-hosting your services.
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A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Matrix? It's also quite close and federated as well.
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In case you guys are wondering, despite being posted to [email protected], this post actually only exists and can be interacted with on fedia.io
Federation seems to be falling over all over the threadiverse.
It looks like lemmy.ml is down, that might be why we're only interacting with it locally