The concept sounds cool as hell! I’ll give it a read asap.
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
4 points (83.3% liked)
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Thank You very much! I hope You will like it at least a bit.
Took me a while to finish it. I really liked it!
Thank You very much for reading! Were there some things You disliked?
A more precise review, mainly because you asked for feedback:
I enjoyed the concept, and I think it was well explored. I really got a kick out of the precise changing of words, in particular the main character being referred to as “potter” at the beginning and “Necromancer” at the end, together with some other more subtle word developments.
I think the first paragraph could be more appealing, I was a bit put off by the lack of details coupled with plenty of suspension dots. I find it odd how some precise details (about the religion, the urns, the desert) are woven in a very general, almost parabolic, story line.
Some emotional components are also a bit unpolished, just given as facts. In particular his love for his family seems to be an “on-off” switch, and it appears only when needed but doesn’t affect his decisions otherwise. So the conclusion doesn’t hit as hard as it could, in my opinion. In a similar way, it is not really justified why he searches knowledge, or goes to the graveyard, while the previous steps are made extremely compelling.
Overall, really good! After the first paragraph, the story flows well, the main character is not only believable but compelling. I like how he does what needs to be done and hardly ever reconsiders his actions.
Thank You very much for this feedback! Yes I definitely has problems with presenting emotions credibly.
When he went to bed, he thought about how sleep was similar to death. When he woke up in the morning, he thought about how pointless it was to get out of bed ;after all, everything he had done was just a plaything in the face of what had to come. He might as well lie there and wait to die.
It's realistic, even if the quote appears in a story depicting a fantasy character.
Your article really has a deep sense of "telling the old story", the thoughts of the characters in the story reflect realistic philosophies.
Thank You very much for reading and feedback! Yes I think that many people felt like that at least once.