Asklemmy

Eat fries first, main dish later, always. Good reason though: usually the main dish holds heat much longer than fries do, and it probably won't get as gross as fries do.

Cold fries are tasteless and soggy. A warm burger is still good.

I meticulously eat all the whites off my fried eggs then shove the intact yolk into my mouth. Mostly because I hate yolking the other food on the plate and fried eggs are best hot. I have converted my husband. Everyone else seems to think it's weird.

I eat bell peppers like apples. Just wash it and eat it, no cutting required.

I don't mow my lawn.

Fully invested in the no lawn movement, I've been slowly replacing my grass with "no-mow" fine fescue grasses that fall over when they grow long instead of standing up straight. They grow slowly and are meant to not be mowed most of the summer season, just a couple times in the spring and cut down low in the fall.

Between that and using shredded leaves as mulch in my flower beds or lasagna mulching to create a new flower bed, my neighbors definitely think I'm a bit off.

According to my husband and all my friends, the weirdest thing about me is my name for a sandwich.

Apparently, everyone else calls it a 'grilled cheese'. I have always called it by it's proper name, a 'toasted cheese'.

If you make it in a panini press, then it is a grilled cheese. But if you make a sandwich by buttering each side and toasting it in a pan on the stove until the cheese melts, then it is a toasted cheese. But every time I say 'toasted cheese', people look at me as though I have grown another head.

When I'm alone I'll wear a full suit, because dressing up makes me feel nice, but I lack the courage to go full "retro men's fashion enthusiast" and dress up like it's 1939

I process insect vomit for a day job

I'm a chronic joint-popper. Fingers, toes, neck, and back are all pretty standard fare for most people. But a lot of people get weirded out when I pop my shoulders, elbows, ankles, knees, or hips. Sometimes I can make something around my sternum pop, but usually only after waking up from a long sleep.

One day I saw advertised these birdhouses with little accordion-like appendages, the same kind most air conditioners have that allow them to fit into windows, and I bought several of these, one per window. On the side facing the outdoors, birds find a little hole and can venture inside, as is typical of a birdhouse. On the side facing the inside of my home, the same birdhouses have tiny windows, like those one-way viewers hotel doors have, that allow anyone to see into the birdhouses, as well as the secretly built option to open it like a door, either while no bird is inside (makes cleaning them easy) or, if someone for some reason felt devious (I wouldn't, and would never give anyone the key to said birdhouse doors), while a bird was in there, which would force it to honor the will of the owner of the home with all the said birdhouses (again, I would never use this feature, unless maybe a bird was injured or something and needed help).

Alright, with all that said... while I have no plans to ditch any of the birdhouses, I will admit I've received complaints that the combination of a few dozen birdhouses in unison is noisy in the morning, like you wake up at six in the morning and it sounds like the birdie house of commons. People say such bird hospitality is unbecoming of an inn attendant. Is it though? Is it? That said, this is usually when the noise cancellers aren't working.

All 3 of the stuffed animals that don't leave my bed all have their own distinct voice and personalities. I sometimes have conversations with them (just not out loud).

Gavin, my stuffed turtle pillow has the personality of a chill middle aged man who's proud of his son since he's been with me since I was maybe 4-5 and has dealt with a lot of my bullshit. He loves when I rub his shell.

Jake, my polar bear I got from a hospital when I was maybe 12, is a pretty happy and optimistic man with a voice that is a little high pitched and scratchy. He loves wearing his little bandana I fashion around him like a neckerchief and his little when it's spring or summer.

Laura, my stuffed brown rabbit I got maybe a year and a half ago, is a female with a voice like Tsumugi from Danganronpa V3. She's Jake's slightly older sister. I like to cuddle her because she's the softest of all 3 and because she's the easiest to cuddle with. She's my little dress up bunny, despite the fact she only has one outfit. It took some time, but she eventually got used to her outfit.

Edit:

Nobody probably thought this, but I totally looked this over and my autistic brain totally thought the part about Gavin made it sound like my actual dad isn't proud of me, which is false.

Also, I don't know anyone else in their mid-20s who does this.

You might be too right.

My wife lives in another county and is only around on the weekends.

She is a huge turtle nut and has several stuffed turtle toys on the bed. I'm in finance journalism and sometimes talk to the turtles about convertible bond transactions and other boring stuff.

It helps me work through things. Probably headed for an institution in the future.

I, uh... I shave hair like 5 cm around my bumhole. Paired with a bidet, you wouldn't guess how much easier it made it to wipe. I used to use 30-50 squares of toilet paper per wiping session, today I can manage with just 10

When I feel very bored, I go to the Wikipedia page of a movie that I do not intend to watch anytime soon and just read the entire plot write-up, as well as the "Critical Response" subsection.

When I type on the keyboard I often always type F at the end and immediately backspace. I don’t understand why I do it and I can’t stop doing it.

I wander around at weird hours with food and drinks on me, offering them to homeless people. A lot of them are initially (understandably) suspicious because they might think I'm trying to grift them into attending some church or exploiting them in some startup scheme, but with some patience and established trust they often get used to you when you come around the next time.

There's lifetimes lived out there and people that will share their stories with you if you brought some pizza.

I run molecular structure optimization calculations for fun. i.e draw molecule in jmol, export atomic coordinates to nwchem or ocra, run optimization and freq job, open output file to visualize optimized molecule structure and orbitals rinse repeat.

Uhm, I really like laying on the floor with the largest bag of cat food/litter/dried corn/rice that I have available on my head.

I brush my teeth in bed and swallow the toothpaste at the end. According to the chemical fact sheet swallowing my toothpaste is well within osha defined limits for sodium flouride, and people who live in places with naturally more fluoridated water than where I am are exposed for far more than I am. so I really don't think there is any health concern. I have been doing it for a decade now and I have no symptoms of over exposure. I find it greatly helps me fall asleep if I don't have to get out of bed to brush.

I have little dance moves that I like to use when walking around the office. Little turn on heel here, stand on tiptoe there, round the corner in a fluid motion, balance on one leg, little jump, etc.
It's not that obvious if you look at me at first glance and I make sure to keep the really visible moves for when I'm alone. But it's something I'm doing (un)consciously most of the time. I guess I just like being light-footed :)

I don't change my clocks for daylight saving time and live on permanent winter time all year, and just do the conversion in my head when dealing with the outside world.

For some reason this really confuses some people and I get all kinds of questions about it whenever the clocks change.

I think it's perfectly reasonable and think people setting their clocks to the wrong time for half the year is strange.

Overthink everything

Microwave a piece of cheese for a few seconds before eating it. I like room-temperature cheese.

I stick the bottom of my earlobe into my ear. It's just a nervous tick I have had my whole life. But I've also noticed recently that I really like how cool my earlobe feels and maybe that's part of the reason I do it.

I eat cereal dry with my milk in a glass.

Whenever I fart and I'm alone, I'll audibly follow it up with a hearty "Mmmhmm". I don't know why I do it, but it only happens if I'm alone. It's involuntary at this point.

I regularly talk to myself when I drive to and from work. Obviously, I drive in alone.

It’s not a self conversation, it’s more like verbalizing my own thought processes. It helps me work through problems and make decisions.

Masturbate 1 to 3 times a day. Sometimes with, sometimes without porn or erotic fiction. Wife doesn't know. She's not interested in sex. I'm 58.

One of my favourite sandwiches is strong cheddar cheese and strawberry jam.

When I mention that I want to try bikepacking/biketouring and mention my bucketlist route around europe (each EU country and capital string together). Peple look at me like I am ready for madhouse room.