this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2023
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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A good one.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Granted. You'll have a nice sandwich, but not now. You'll never know when the good sandwich will come. Is it the next one? In a year? And when you get a good sandwich, will it be your last one. Enjoy the anxiety.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

alternate ending: You don't know if you've already had it. Maybe that decent sandwich was the good one, and no other sandwich will be as good. Until you get that better one, after which maybe THAT was the good one

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Granted. A little girl with cancer hobbles up to you and asks what you wished for. She doesn't have long and she's starting to lose hope.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

She's holding a bag with a sandwich her granny made for her. Her condition worsens suddenly and she passes away in your arms. Now it's your sandwich.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Granted.

You get a sandwich that tastes good. So good infact that it leave everything else tasting bland and unappetizing for the rest of your life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

You spend the rest of your life looking for that same flavor and texture, roaming the streets of cities abroad, trying every single spice and crudité.

You bargain with yourself that if you get close enough it will satiate you, but everything taste like ashes.

Was it just a dream? But now nightmares chase you every time you close your eyes.

In your twilight years, after a mad night combining perry sause with mayonnaise, desperate, you burn your tongue with acetone.

Yet the aftertaste never leaves your mind, the sensual spicy smell, the perfect crunchy texture, cheese melting in your tongue in a lovely embrace..

A single tear races your sunken cheek as you exhale your last breath while holding the last bread on earth to try.

It was never close enough.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

You don't get the sandwich. Someone else does.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Granted. A floating hotdog appears in front of you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You get invited to a restaurant that is only open once a decade. You get one sandwich. You are given the “good” sandwich. You eat it and look in the kitchen on the way out. You see a severed hand in the meat slicer.

You’re not allowed to leave.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Tell me you don’t understand the monkeys paw without telling me you don’t understand the monkeys paw

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Granted. You're the meat in between the Raúl & Thomas Sandwich. May be good, if your into it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Granted

You win a contest and the greatest Sheff in the world will cook the best sandwich for you. Also, you've lost the sense of taste forever.