this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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I am gay and struggling to find love due to my weight gain (lemm.ee)
submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Hey there, wonderful souls of the internet! 🌈✨

I'm Ben, a 21-year-old on the cusp of turning 22, and I want to share a piece of my heart with you. Life's journey has taken me through highs and lows, and today, I find myself standing at a crossroads - one that revolves around love, self-discovery, and the strength to embrace my authentic self.

It's no secret that the quest for love can be both thrilling and challenging. Recently, I've faced the hurdles that come with self-image and acceptance. As I celebrate who I am, I've also grappled with the realities of gaining weight, reaching 98 kgs. It's been a journey of self-reflection, and yes, some heartache too.

One chapter of my life saw a previous relationship come to an end, with weight becoming a focal point. It stung, but it also became a catalyst for my personal growth. I realized that true love begins within, with a deep and unyielding love for oneself. It's about embracing every curve, every inch, and celebrating the unique person we are.

So, here I am, standing tall and proud, sending out vibes of self-love and positivity into the vast expanse of the internet. As I navigate the path to finding love again, I am reminded that the right person will see beyond the superficial and appreciate the beauty that lies within.

To those who have faced similar struggles, remember that you are not alone. Let's encourage each other to be our authentic selves and radiate the confidence that comes from within. Love, after all, knows no bounds and transcends societal expectations.

As I blow out the candles on my 22nd birthday cake, I'm making a wish not just for me but for anyone who has ever felt the weight of judgment or struggled to find love: May we all find someone who sees us for the incredible beings we are, beyond appearances and societal norms.

Here's to the journey of self-love, growth, and the hope that true connection awaits us just around the corner. 🌈💖✨

With love, Ben

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I am in a similar boat, with disabilities, weight, and deep depression. I am a bit older at 31, and clocking in at 106kg, but the disability is brutal - I had a stroke at 21 and wasn't expected to live a couple hours in the icu, but here I am, almost 10 years later. But being 'alive' and 'living' are two very different things. My fiancé left me, I planned my suicide but ended up collapsing into a crying mess, I went through 2 years of therapy before I couldn't afford it anymore. It pulled me away from the edge, but I'm still not in a great state. Currently, I'm just waiting out the clock for my death, natural or otherwise.

However, I have a friend that I've known since I was a teen that I've been friends, fwb, and even roommates with. When the fiancé left me, a few days later he proposed dating, which I turned down - trying to salvage my relationship, taking blame for shit that I didn't do or wasn't the cause of, anything to have my man back, so I wasn't in any situation to jump into something new. He understood, and I did my best to reassure him that if the situation was different, so would have been the answer.

A couple years ago, I'm talking to him in vr, when he asks me completely casually and relaxed, if I want to be his pet. I've always been forced to be a dom top because of my partners, but I'm most definitely a switch, and I trusted and like him already; so I said yes. It's odd for him, too, as he is usually subby and our kinks don't usually align, but he's so fucking sweet, caring, compassionate. Even though I'm (imo) 'broken', 'useless', a 'burden', he gets gently mad at me and assures me that, no, I'm not. 2 and a half years later, I've visited him several times, and I am still very much his pet.

Visually, too, it's interesting - I'm demisexual, and I suspect he is too. If I didn't know him, just passing on the street, I'd never think that I would find him attractive; he's a big guy, even by comparison to me. But the person he is overshadows that, and there was already a spark from years past, so I ended up (happily) wanting this big, loving guy - very much so. Life is weird.

Anyway, all I'm really saying is that, even if you think you are not wanted or desirable, for any reason, everyone is their own harshest critic. Even though I think I'm literally worthless, others might not. I'm working to accept the fact that that isn't a bold-faced lie or a trick - my ex did a number on my self-esteem and image, even beyond the disabilities. But it gets easier every time I see him, and there is someone like that for you too; probably a ton. It's going to be okay.

Now go out there and find them :D

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is your disability obvious? You could collapse in front of an attractive man in the street and when they rush to ask if you're ok tell them in laboured breath "I must nibble toes or I DIE!"

When he takes his shoes and socks off gobble them toes like your life depends on it.

???

Marriage?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Oh yeah, lol. I had a stroke at 21 that took like 90-95% of my nerve response on half my body, so I have trouble balancing among other things, gave me a quarter blindness in both eyes, took fine muscle control (I'd even say took course muscle control) on that same side (so my arm, hand, fingers, all deadweight), I walk slowly with a cane and awkward gait since I can not control my foot, ankle, or toes on that side. Add some memory loss and cognitive struggles as the cherry on top. Yay, kill me!~ (only kinda joking)

Too bad I'm not into feet, or I'd be taking notes xP

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

If you're happy at every size that's great for you, but it's not something that you can criticise others for disagreeing with.

Sure, some people find heavier people the sexiest, but most people like fit and healthy people and you can't blame them for that.

You could have the greatest and most confident personality in the world, but if your partner is not attracted to you physically it will always be a problem.

I truly hope that you are happy with your size and that you're not just accepting it because it's easier than committing to a diet. I know this sentiment isn't what you wrote your post for, but the truth hurts sometimes.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I understand but I've been heavy since birth I hit the gym and I am super athletic but I still have a huge body recently I gained more weight due to stress

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

I'm sorry, I don't accept that. No one is "born fat", it takes years of consistent over eating.

I love that you tried the gym, but weight is lost in the kitchen, the gym is only for getting fit/strong/toning up.

I hope that you can find a better outlet for your stress than eating.