Iwishiwasntthisway

My caring maternal brain and my spiteful accelerationist brain are at odds over this one.

Yeah I mean, I could unironically believe this and it wouldn't upend or contradict anything else I believe.

I'm starting to think that maybe Islam itself poses a problem for the west, and this goes behind general nationalist racism. It is the world's fastest growing religion and it hasn't become absorbed by individualism. If it was just about demonizing enemies, you'd think something similar would be happening with Orthodox Christianity or something, but it's not.

I'm not a religious person and I wasn't raised religious, so I don't have an axe to grind with anybody, and most of what I think is gleaned relatively clinically by just reading the books. And as it is written, Islam is actually a pretty universalist religion that sort of contains a universal nationalism. I feel like something about this is inherently threatening.

I am not talking about violating consent. I am not saying I would expect somebody to continue to touch me if I say no, or keep calling me if I asked them to stop. I agree that sort of game is dangerous and in itself a violation.

What I am saying, is that "playing hard to get" is a consequence of inherent features in cishet dating.

1. I have an unlimited supply of men willing to pursue me.
2. There pursuing me and expressing want for me is a necessary component of my want for them.
3. I want a long term passionate relationship with somebody who is really into me.
4. A man's willingness to pursue me is, to some degree, a function of how much he is into me.

All of these things mean it behooves me to allow them space to compete on this component, after I've sorted out the ones I might like for non behavioral reasons (appearance mostly)

I apologize if it came across that way. Perhaps it would help if I put it in more personal terms.

I am a conventionally attractive cishet NT women. The amount of opportunities I have to service men with whom I have no personal connection sexually, even nearing 40, are so vast I wouldn't even consider putting effort into pursuing such a thing even if I wanted it.

I don't pursue men sexually because I have no innate attraction toward men for them just existing. Even ones who are also conventionally attractive. What I do respond to, a multivariate arrangement of things, some of which you might assume are informed by the patriarchy, which I would disagree with. Also by the response to the man pursuing me in such a way that affirms my value, makes me feel "sexy" and thus allows me to even be receptive to the idea of sex.

In the absence of these factors, my sex drive would be confined to masturbating every 3 days when I have difficulty sleeping, and since I'm haven't blown out my dopamine receptors on ass to mouth fivesomes, I can do this in under a minute without thinking about anything. It's like taking a shit. It's not even a "sex drive" in the sense that I want sex. My sexual fantasies are derivative of a man desiring me. My desire for sex is separate from my the frustration of not having sexual release.

And I'm sure there's people on here that are going to call this "demi sexual" or some sort of weird "pillow princess kink" or whatever. But this, unfortunately, is a pretty typical manifestation of cishet female sexuality. This is evidenced in patterns in all manner of female dominated erotica, and it is apparent when observing female behavior broadly.

Because of this, women are not generally going to line up to perform sexual favors for men that have not illustrated both their desirably as a sexual partner, and their particular desire for the woman in question. Some might, but the number of women that are receptive to doing this at any point in time is far lower than the men that are interested in being serviced sexually, for free, without effort.

Saying that there are innate reasons these aggregate differences exist is not "incel shit" and saying you should consider meeting women where they are is not "pull yourself up by your bootstraps"

If OP had expressed alienation with modern dating apps and a longing to make a connection with somebody that would be one thing. But that is not the frustration OP is expressing.

I do not believe what I am describing is a kink. This is how most cishet women with an assortment of options think, in my experience

To a limited degree, but that doesn't mean that OP is going to have more opportunities, it just means that more casual sexual opportunities might exist. I'm sorry this is such a controversial idea here, I'm really shocked to be honest. But women are not depriving you of sexual favors solely because they are afraid of getting pregnant, or being slut shamed, or out of cruelty, or even as a power play.

The desire for sex is in large part a response to being desired by a desirable person. And the only solution to that is to adopt behaviors that are deemed desirable to the people you want, and illustrating that desire through ways that are meaningful to the people you want. I can sympathize with the idea that this is more taxing on one sex than the other in cishet dating. But after just finishing up multiple rounds of multiple physical therapies after giving birth to a child forgive me if I'm not inclined to think that men have it worse than women or that they are somehow to blame for the fact that I can't do burpees without wearing adult diapers

How is this incel shit and what OP is saying isn't? I'm genuinely confused. You have men* on here talking about women like they're resources, and talking about appealing to women like it's a unfair game. Like there isn't a sentient human on the other side of this equation with imperatives and desires. I'm really shocked and disappointed with this place.

When men chase me, it makes me feel desirable. Unfortunately, feeling desirable is a necessary component for my arousal. Without having the affirmation of pursuit to respond to, my sex drive is pretty low and more like a biological need like taking a shit. I barely notice it until I'm physically uncomfortable after a few days and then the most reliable way of taking care of it is masturbation. Another way of looking at it is that my desire for sex is not the same as the desire for orgasm, and the desire for sex only exists in the context of believing that sex with me is somehow particularly valuable to the prospective partner.

I'm a cishet woman. But it's nice to know what so many "leftists" on here think of me