[-] [email protected] 9 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Yeah. I think one fantastic step is not to outsource this to people in countries who can be paid several orders of magnitude lower than the minimum wage they can be paid in the states (which is already pitifully low).

I also feel like this can't be someone's full time job. You just can't do this full time. People who do content moderation should be rotated on and off of checking content. They also shouldn't have KPI metrics. They should have enough time to process after seeing one of these things. Whole thing is criminally inhumane.

And yeah, idk why AI can't auto-remove video/image content and it's only human reviewed if it's appealed.

[-] [email protected] 61 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Idk it's not the worst name ever. Definitely sounds like a "kooky millennial parents wanted an interesting name" name. But there's worse. Much worse. He should've told her where it came from though, kinda a dumb thing to not involve your wife in. You know. The name of her child.

[-] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago

I definitely think they can and are often overdone. Where I'm from civilian fireworks use is very uncommon unless you're out in the sticks. So we get at most 2 municipal fireworks display per year, New year's eve and Canada day. New year's eve fireworks happen some years and don't others.

I personally love fireworks. The awe of the display is never lost upon me. I can see it becoming old if it's something you deal with all the time. That isn't an issue here though and I always step outside to watch them when a display is done locally.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago

Thank you for vouching for her CC ๐Ÿ˜Š

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

Love the choker and your eyeliner ๐Ÿ˜ have a lovely weekend!!

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

I appreciate you providing the content warning. It's alright to have those understandable fears. I agreed for a very long time, and I used to present androgynous and not correct people who misgendered me because I thought I would only ever be happy with myself and be accepted by others if I appeared cis in every conceivable way.

The thing is, thinking that way actually impedes your ability to pass. Passing is not a product of any individual thing but many things, and how people perceive and respond to you depends on lots of factors many of them do not do with physiological gender signifiers. I spent years denying myself everything I ever wanted. I wore loose baggy clothes, I didn't try with my skincare or haircare, I would obsess about the way people perceived me and tear myself apart in the mirror over every little detail. I was making myself miserable, and holding myself back and being so obviously insecure about these things actually made me less likely to pass. Fully embracing my style and showcasing my curves and my skin has made a massive difference in the likelihood of me passing. I rarely do not pass anymore.

Hiding a part of yourself is never going to make you happy. If you want to be happy someday, and you should you deserve to live a happy life, then you have to stop setting limits past which you're allowed to be happy. To be clear, I understand wanting to wait till you've been on hormones. I really do, I did wait myself. I also then waited 7 years before i allowed myself to wear dresses in public. And embrace my own femininity I'm visible ways, wore clothes that accentuated my body instead of hiding it. All things I'd wanted to do for years but I didn't, because I didn't think I would pass and therefore wouldn't allow myself.

It's okay if you can't today, or if you still want to wait. This was just my experience and I thought it worthwhile to share. Far fewer people are scrutinizing us that closely than it feels like. You're beautiful and it's important that you believe that too. I know it sounds stupid or corny or whatever. But next time you look at yourself in the mirror and that voice pops up pointing out all those little dysphoria inducing details, try and notice a few things you like about how you look. Write them down. Try and look for them again when you're feeling dysphoric. Good body image is a process.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with gatekeeping and transphobia from your friend and your parents. ๐Ÿ˜” I'm glad that you recognize that your friend is being bigoted towards you. Dysphoria is not what makes someone transgender! Being transgender is "not identifying with (or not entirely identifying with) your assigned gender" and can mean literally anything beyond that. She has absolutely no right to say that to you. You deserve to be supported, not put down by someone who's supposed to be there for you!

Whether someone else genders you correctly doesn't make you a woman, you are one no matter how other people refer to you. I know you said that you struggle to stand up for yourself, but you don't have to let someone try and take that from you. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you! You deserve kindness, compassion, and respect. I know that it might not be possible for you to demand those things for yourself, but make sure you remember that internally. If someone isn't respecting you, you do not have to keep talking with them or engaging with them. It's possible to be non-confrontational while making clear that you won't engage with someone who doesn't treat you with respect!

I waited years to come out to certain people and much longer to be completely out publicly full time. You need some friends and supporters on your side. Many transfem people do not pass. If you're active in trans groups you'll definitely notice transfem people who don't pass in them. You don't owe it to anyone to look a certain way before you can be yourself. Your body belongs only to you, and the standards of society shouldn't hold you back from being yourself. There's lots of online trans groups, discords, matrix groups and what not where you can try coming out and socializing with other trans people. May be a good way to build up some courage to handle harder in person coming-outs.

HRT is also not a requirement to be transgender and being on hormones does not make you any more or less trans than anyone else. You're already trans today, and if you come out now, you being or not being on hormones won't affect the response you should receive from friends and loved ones.

Hope my rambles helped, and welcome to transfem!

[-] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

So happy for you!! It's amazing that your daughter is so enthusiastically supportive of your journey in self discovery :) that support is invaluable. It sounds like you have some great ideas on ways you can explore your gender and examine your gender feelings in an environment that feels safe with support from your family.

Processing your gender as you explore it is hard, and I can understand how it can be hard for spouses as well. However, your wife should be patient and understanding with you, and when you tell her that this is a serious thing for you and you need her genuine support through this. It's not fair to you to get the "Yeah right" treatment about this. It will take time for her to process, that's fair. But she shouldn't diminish your feelings through this. I hope she lends you full support in whatever you choose to do, even in the event of going to a con in full Gothic Lolita ๐Ÿ˜Š which btw sounds absolutely amazing haha. My exploration of gender was very quiet and at home and normative. I only started really expressing myself through fashion and presentation a lot this year.

[-] [email protected] 17 points 4 days ago

All they had to do was construct a society where the working class is exposed exclusively to neoliberal propaganda from birth until death. Several generations onwards, and here we are. Class consciousness is essentially none amongst large swaths of the working class population.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 days ago

We keep saying that. But if you told me a decade ago that roe v wade would be overturned and an open fascist would be the likely next president and scotus also just ruled that presidents are literally not beholden to any laws then I'd have said the same thing.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I wonder how long now until the north and south separate. I'm semi facetious, I don't see how this situation can be resolved from this point. The Supreme Court has to go or else this ends one of 2 ways.

If Biden overturned the decision that gave Donald Trump immunity, then the southern republican states would almost certainly rebel. If Donald Trump takes power as a king in January, then the northern Democratic states will almost certainly rebel.

68
submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I havent gone swimming in around a decade, and now that I'm a little over a year post up I really want to but I'm still so nervous to actually go and buy a swimsuit. ๐Ÿ˜… there's something intimidating or nerve wracking about the process.

Anyone have experiences buying swimsuits? Is there any tips going in I should know? I think I know what style I want, a 2 piece with high waisted bottoms and a top with an underwire.

40
submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I was thinking of making a community engagement post last week in the run up to the Easter weekend and transgender day of visibility, but it got lost under a recent promotion at work and a few busy days.

So yeah how was your Easter weekend / TDoV? ๐Ÿ˜Š Most of my family is on vacation so I just had a quiet weekend at home with my partner. All the drama that went down with TDoV landing on Easter Sunday was.. unsettling to say the least. I hope everyone was able to weather that storm of hate and propaganda safely.

38
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to quickly add that the finalized format for requesting engagement has been decided. A commenter in the other thread suggested a similar format. (Thank you @[email protected])

At the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the following.

[Requesting Engagement from _________]

For clarity purposes, this is the official way to request specific engagement groups. I'll respect other methods, but this way, it keeps things nice and transparent.

52
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking over how to address large amounts of outside engagement disrupting the safety of our community. As Lemmy is a large space that extends well beyond the borders of our community, when posts hit front page we often start getting a lot of engagement on posts by people outside of the transfeminine experience. Often well-meaning people engage here and say things that are insensitive, require OP to further explain themselves and their experiences unrelated to the topic of the post, or disrupt the safety of the space for transfeminine people.

This is a problem that I'm taking seriously. The purpose of this community as I see it is and has always been to provide a safe supportive community to transfeminine people. So with that in mind posters are now allowed to request engagement from specific groups on their post. This can be gender diverse people, trans people with unsupportive parents, trans parents, people who have struggled with addictions, trans people of color, etc.

I've seen a few people make comments on engagement issues lately and so I've decided that this course of action makes the most sense to preserve the safety of the community while still allowing engagement from other people when that engagement is wanted.

How you choose to make this clear is for the moment up to you. You can add a tag in your title, state so explicitly in your title, or write it somewhere in your post (try and do so clearly as I might not have the chance to fully read your post in time).

Moderator action may be taken per your request. I'm choosing to keep a steady eye on how this affects the community and to ensure that it isn't being weaponized against marginalized people within our community. I ask that everyone is patient and expect some adjustment to this new rule. A certain amount of discretion will also be applied on a per incident basis, this is not a rule banning all non-transfems from the community just providing posters a choice with regards to engagement.

This new change has been added to the sidebar and is considered effective immediately.

Feedback on this change would be great. If you think some aspect of this should be changed or you have concerns please let us know.

42
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

It's been a while since we've had a general discussions thread, and with the holiday season ramping up, I imagine a lot of us are feeling very stressed and worn out.

Spending time with family members is always a time, to say the least. Getting my family to respect my partner's they/them pronouns has been frustrating and exhausting. It enfuriates me that they can understand and respect my pronouns, but only because I'm binary gendered. Getting very sick of deconstructing the "them is multiple people" argument, as well as the "I'm still a lesbian even though my partner is transmasc non-binary" conversation. ๐Ÿ˜“

But aside from that, I'm actually excited about the holidays this year. And I hope everyone has something to look forward to, time with friends and family who love and accept us. We all deserve love, compassion, and acceptance, and to be able to enjoy a time of year that should be representative of all those things.

This space is 100% open and welcoming of venting, frustration, whatever you want to post here. And if you see cishet people disrupting you, disrupting the community, invalidating your feelings or opinions please report them and we will deal with them accordingly. I'm not handing out bans to every cis person who has an opinion on anything here, but this is not a space for cisgender people. If you're reading this and you're cisgender, you are welcome to post and contribute here. By all means, do so. But keep in mind that this space is not for you. You are a visitor in this community. How we feel, how we struggle, the experiences we as transfeminine people have come first every single time. I won't change that. And if you're going to participate here, you need to abide by that.

I just wanted to get that out of the way because occasionally we get an influx of people from other parts of the fediverse here and they are welcome but I continue to see cisgender experiences being used to invalidate transgender ones. And that's going to be a focus of mine going forward.

What are your thoughts on this time of year? What's been your experiences so far with family, the good and the bad? Let's all support each other through this. And what are your thoughts on how this community has been over the last few months? I'd love to hear it if anyone had any suggestions or thoughts on how our community has been operating.

30
submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I'm starting to hit a bit of a wall with voice training lately. I can find my resonance, I can adjust the positioning of my vocal cords and where my voice is coming from. I occasionally pass on the phone, and I work all day over the phone so I do get pretty regular indirect feedback in terms of how my voice gets me gendered.

But I am very much struggling with pitch and maintaining consistent pitch. It's just not happening and even when everything else is perfect my pitch will slip, and then I'll get misgendered. I cant seem to find a specific pitch and comfortably rest there. I'm also 8 years in at this point, I've been doing voice training for a long time and I just think when it comes down to it I might be one of the women for whom training alone just isn't enough.

I've done a lot of research into glottoplasty and find myself in a financial position where I could hypothetically afford it. Most accounts from people who've had the procedure seem to indicate they've had great results with it, but there's a lot of people who swear that it'll basically render me mute if I get it done. Its minimally invasive and the surgeon I'm considering has good rapport with his patients and I'm confident he'd do great. But on the whole I'm hesitating a little bit and curious what other people think. I do IT work that involves using the phone quite a bit, but if I had to take time off work for a little while that would almost certainly be fine. I don't sing and really don't have any concerns with regard to vocal range either.

Are you considering vocal feminization surgery? Why or why not? Have you experienced similar things with regards to voice training, or has training alone been enough for you?

Feel free to chime in with whatever thoughts you have on the operation or voice training in general.

64
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I'd like to welcome @[email protected] to the transfem moderation team! ๐Ÿค— Ada is one of the admins of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance and a very active member of the transfem community. She has already been providing me with assistance in running the community and answering any questions that I have, she's a perfect fit for our second moderator.

The addition of Ada to our moderation team helps maintain the safety of our community and our readiness for more complex moderation issues. Please as always report any rule breaking you see and we will address it as soon as possible.

Thank you so much Ada for joining the moderation team! ๐Ÿ˜„

33
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I hope everybody's had a great week so far. I wanted to make some kinda post to engage everyone in a casual context. I was originally going to ask in the title "who has been really supportive in your life recently?" So if you want to answer that I suppose you can lol.

I myself have to work all weekend but its the evening shifts so I'll be fine. My best friend has been especially supportive of me lately, she took me out shopping when I was in between paychecks and even bought me a couple crop tops I wanted. I really appreciate her being so willing to do those kinds of things with me even tho she has social anxiety. Having supportive people in your helps a lot.

40
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hello everyone! ๐Ÿ˜Š

I wanted to make a post reaching out to the community after we recently passed the milestone of 2K subscribers! I'm very happy with how this community has grown and become a place for transfeminine people to vent and connect and share trans joy.

With the continued growth of the community and the recent wave of new subscribers we have been having some issues with trolls coming in to the community to bully or harass our users. Please be vigilant of transphobic trolls and report any and all rule breaking content that you see. That includes bullying comments, dismissive comments, gate keeping comments - even if those comments are coming from other trans people. Report them, this community is first and foremost meant to be supportive and maintaining that is a priority.

Along those lines, please don't overly engage with anyone coming here to cause trouble or to bully someone. It's not worth your time and just draws more attention to our community as a space these trolls are drawn to. Its entirely possible at some point in the future we may face brigading or other harder to deal with moderation issues. And to that end I will at some point in the future be looking to add another moderator. As of the moment I dont feel that's necessary, but as we continue to grow and our moderation needs expand I will continually reassess.

I'm also happy to allow image posts in this community, but I did recently add a new rule of no NSFW image posts. And we haven't had any yet, but bear that in mind as any that come up will be removed. I think that having image posts is fine in general, though I'm interested to hear if other people think this should be a text post only community more similar to r/mtf.

5
submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

My right breast just cannot stay in the cup and starts to slowly slip partly down as the day goes on. Ive even used the calculator at r/abtf and tried on probably a dozen sizes in my search. This bra is perfect when everything's in place, but give me an hour and I'll inevitably have to awkwardly find a chance to pull it back up again ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ very frustrated today lol

46
submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

This place gets quiet sometimes... I hope everyone's having a good day!! ๐Ÿค—

6
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Seems weirdly unintuitive that we can't already. Its also weird that swiping from the left while in your profile profile doesn't pull out the sidebar.

view more: next โ€บ

LadyAutumn

joined 1 year ago
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