I agree that the way it's been handled thus far has been awful, straight from the get go. It wasn't a good way to put it and was obviously gonna rile people up, but I still think the popularity it's gotten on social media can be used as a good tool to help people understand this better. And yeah, obviously, therapy is a huge thing, but it's also worth noting that the one thing you're supposed to do in nearly every traumatic situation, and will be recommended by any therapist you see, is to take healthy measures to prevent it from happening again. That does include doing what you can to stay safe and not be alone around men. Obviously there are people who take it too far and jump straight into misandry (and I can say from experience as a trans woman, misandrists are a problem for us too, because they don't treat us like real women, just punching bags to treat in the most misogynistic way possible, because they only see you as a now vulnerable man to get revenge on.)
To be clear, I'm not suggesting men are inherently more violent than women and need to be avoided more often. I just think the messages society sends toward men and women as they grow up are vastly different which is what leads to violence being more prevalent in men. It's a complex issue that requires huge societal changes to fix, but for now it's just the truth that women need to look out for their own safety in the presence of men until these issues are solved to a reasonable degree.
But to reiterate, yeah, the meme is clearly inflammatory, I just think anything than can be used as a learning experience should be.
Sombyr
The statistics of how likely any individual man is to commit sexual assault or violence against a woman is irrelevant because the discussion is about trauma, not objective danger. That's the part people don't seem to understand.
People think we're saying "men are more dangerous than a bear" when what we're saying is "I've grown to fear men more intensely than even a bear due to my traumatic experiences as well as the traumatic experiences of those I know."
Even if most men won't touch a woman, the fact that enough will that the majority of women have been sexually assaulted means the majority of women are also traumatized enough that of course they're gonna be wary of men who they fear could cause them to relive their trauma. That's reasonable (don't confuse that for rational though.)
It's just an attempt to show men why we need the boundaries we do by putting into perspective how intense that trauma is, but instead of being met with understanding it's been met with yet more accusations that it's just proof women are irrational and hate men.
Pulling out another statistic to say "hey, um, actually, individual men aren't statistically likely to be violent toward you" is useless for helping a trauma victim overcome that trauma. Especially if it becomes a repeated trauma, at which point your brain rejects any amount of healing you've done and resists any attempts at healing again, because it feels it's been proven right.
Nobody said "men are more dangerous than bears." You made that up in your head to be offended about. They said "I'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear than a man," and I explained to you how that's a very different thing. If you're going to continue to be intentionally obtuse and ignore that I'm not interested in explaining again.
Therapy isn't a cure all for trauma. And trauma that is easily relived is not trauma that is easily gotten over. Also, obviously they're letting trauma dictate their actions. That's kinda how trauma works. If you behave completely the same before and after your trauma then by definition you weren't traumatized.
And the point of the statement isn't that bears are literally less dangerous than men. It's to show how real and intense the fear is. Not to say "men are more dangerous than bears," but "women feel more threatened by men than bears," which is not even close to the same thing. It's a simple attempt to help men understand how we feel and make it clear why we need the boundaries we do. That is inherently an empathetic statement. You being offended by it doesn't make it an insult.
Let me tell you, I happen to have also been the victim of other women, and fear them just as much, but mysteriously nobody pops up to quote statistics or tell me I'm the real problem here when I express that fear, especially not other women. I've never had a woman get offended by me not wanting to be in a room alone with her.
The average man isn't going to rape me. The average bear also would rather leave me alone than maul me. But I have been sexually assaulted by men. I've never been mauled by a bear. I think it's understandable one of those fears is a lot more real to me than the other.
You're not talking to people who just decided to fear men for no reason. You're talking to trauma victims and their family and friends. Traumas cause irrational fears. Getting upset that a trauma victim is afraid of reliving their trauma just straight up lacks any kind of empathy.
Well it is Heathcliff. I'm not sure if I'm too autistic to know if everyone was avoiding pointing that out or if people really didn't know.
I just preemptively reject people before I notice them hitting on me. It might be annoying to some people, but I imagine it's easier on them than the previous strategy, which was being completely unaware until years later where they finally go "Okay, do you like me or not? Because it feels like you've been leading me on this whole time."
Apparently not only do I miss other people trying to hit on me but also I unintentionally give vibes to people that I'm into them.
Depends more on which man than which bear for me. Random man I know nothing about? The bear. Friend who's been nothing but nice and respectful for years? The friend.
We aren't answering the question thinking "well the bear might not kill me," it's "the bear will only kill me."
You remembered wrong.
I keep my ringtone and most of my notifications on silent, but I keep a chime on for certain DMs because there's some people I just really wanna talk to badly enough that I wanna know instantly the second they message me.
Sounds like somebody's never been to Vermont.
Yeah, it's a preventative measure, because repeated trauma is much, much harder to heal from, and also as a physical safety measure. In some situations where the trauma isn't likely to reoccur or is caused by bad emotional coping skills, they still recommend minimizing contact until you learn to handle it or at least have stronger coping mechanisms (or at least they did in every case of my traumas.)