onevia

So, let's keep it simple to start.

How have you been? Where are you in your journey?

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts for a while but we won't get into that.

I've just hit 6mo on HRT and last week I learned...

drumroll please

I finally love myself! Something that has taken me 30 years to learn to do. And that final piece of the puzzle was to embrace myself as Olivia ❤️

So, how have you been? What's on your mind?

• O✌🏻

My family tends to be sprinkled throughout the different levels. My wife, grandmother and son, easily number 1 in support of my transition and identity.

Many of my cousins I grew up with are level 2.

Father and stepmother are level 5 - possibly level 6 when I was a child - still figuring that one out as new traumas surface.

Everyone else hovers around 3 - 5.

Just remember, I'll always be a level 1 for you ❤️

Level 1: completely supportive

Level 2: mostly supportive but lacking some knowledge, or some transmedicalist attitudes due to ignorance, not malignancy

Level 3: neutral, not supportive but not opposing either, or "supportive" transmedicalist

Level 4: leaning oppose, but no forceful interventions, or refuse to gende you correctly but used neutral pronouns

Level 5: misgendering, not accepting you as their daughter or son, but still pretend to be "loving" misgendered you

Level 6: disowning or physically beating or etc, most extreme measures

(Stolen, with love, from the user Cormier643 on Reddit. Felt like this was a great way to get discussions going again ❤️)

-Olivia ✌🏻

Have you been in a codependent relationship?

My transition has helped me realize just how bad the codependency was in my marriage. Things are really rough for me currently as we try and untangle the destructive habits.

I have never had a sense of identity outside of my relationship with my wife. Now that is changing, it means my marriage must change with it... or not.

And how have they shown that support to you?

Been a while since I've posted here but missed you all!

I'd love for this to be a discussion question, but also I am legitimately asking.

I have a beautiful son who helped crack my egg when he was born. But I'm still struggling understanding what being a mom means other than "just how I feel"

I never had good blueprints for being a father or mother so all I know is generally "how to be a parent"

But I'm curious to those of you that have children. What does being a mother mean to you? What does being a father mean to you?

Thank you

-Liv

I feel that I should preface this by warning questioning people that looking for signs is generally not a good way to find out if you're trans. Different people experience being trans in different ways.

Thank you lady_scarecrow for the above disclaimer. Very good advice ❤️

That last bit of defense before fully realizing your inner beauty 💜

She may be knockoff but she's mine 🦈

Here is mine ❤️ she may be knock off, but she's huge beautiful and her name is Gloria. I love her very much :D

Do you have "that one thing" that always feels affirming? Something that you continuously return to because you know it'll make your day better?

This could be the biggest step that was hard for you to start. Or maybe there was a particularly stressful time during your transition that really weighed on you.

How did you overcome this and what did it teach you?

-Olivia ✌🏻

I was just having a conversation with my wife this morning about my anxiety about the first time I was going to be confronted for my identity. I told her how I felt like it was going to happen soon as I stop passing as cis. Being in a red state in a very rural area makes these anxieties spiral.

Well, it finally happened. I was approached by a stranger for being trans in front of my wife and 20mo son....

And it was such a heartwarming and hopeful interaction! (sorry, I couldn't resist the clickbait plot twist)

My family and I were eating at the local Sam's Club and a man walked up to me and started talking directly to me.

He started with "I don't mean to be presumptuous but..."

Me: Oh shit, here we go. First confrontation and it's in front of my son as we are just enjoying lunch

Him: I don't mean to be presumptuous but I noticed your family is unconventional; my family is also unconventional (He is FtM and his wife is MtF; assumedly). I just wanted to say that if you're looking for resources or community in the area, these are for you

*he hands me two business cards. One card has a website with a big list of transgender resources in my area. The other card is for a local Lutheran Church.

Him: if you're looking for a church, these people don't give a sh*t who you are - they preach about accepting all people and loving and supporting your community. Very loving group of people who accept everyone for who they are.

He patted me on the shoulder, wished me and my family a happy rest of our day and gave a genuine smile as he walked away.

I muttered a thank you but was mostly shocked and didn't even catch his name.

Luckily, once my family was finished eating, we ended up catching him and his wife on the way out. We got to talking a bit more.

I told him that I really needed that because my wife and I are desperate to find local queer community. We talked about how difficult the beginning stages are (I'm 5 months since cracking and 6 weeks on HRT) but it gets so much better. He isn't religious (neither am I) but he goes to this church for the community.

I tell him thank you a million times and we exchange names. We end up hugging tightly for a few moments and we were both a little teary.

Final thought. My wife and I looked up the church and it seems their pastor is queer as well and they specifically mention that they are a trans safe place.

I think my wife and I might end up trying them out in the hopes of creating more friendships and a sense of community. We aren't religious (and can't believe we are considering going to church) but are looking for a community that accepts us as we are. Who knows, maybe that's at church? Lol