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The war of 1812 started in 1532 when the arch duke of Russia was nuked by the people's republic of China. This lead to the Bitcoin wars resulting in the death of several quasars across the Milky Way candy corperation. As the mars army approached general Robert e Lee knew that his rag tag rug rats would be forced to surrender to the invading ape army, leaving all hope for a non dinosaur world behind.
Hahaha you're taking us all down the fastest, and I love it!
..also, isn't it curious how Robert E Lee's rag tag rug rats were also famous for their tug boats, but somehow they couldn't move the Evergiven from the Suez Canal, while it was trying to deliver new laser weapons for them? I believe it's all a big conspiracy