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Serious: struggling with misogynistic thoughts (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/2766019

Please remove if not appropriate here and I will post somewhere else.

Without getting into too much detail...I have been abused by women most of my life. I finally ended an abusive marriage with a female narcissist. I have never really struggled with this issue up until recently.

I am finding that I am often dismissed and not believed when I try to discuss this issue, even to therapists and my lawyer (all whom have also been female). I have almost no resources or support. There are no men's groups for this issue in my area. Often online I will see people mock people like myself. I have even had people on socialist sites dismiss situations like mine. It is beyond frustrating.

I understand how it is and I know that patriarchy and misogyny are still huge issues, but I've noticed myself feeling very resentful towards a lot of women recently and sometimes veer into misogynistic thoughts.

I don't want to be like this, but I am struggling.

Any advice on what I can do to control these thoughts and retrain my brain?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Kind of a hot take but I think it’s normal for men to have essentially mysoginstic thoughts to some extent, it’s an effect of the patriarchal system/culture and our relations towards women within that system, and also perhaps of the inherent antagonism in relationships. When I say it’s normal I mean it’s basically the default, the mode of thinking that we inherit from society, not that it’s necessarily a natural thing. But it’s something to work through, if your seeing women as somehow especially alien to yourself, or turning individual traumatic experiences into harmful generalisations. From your description it sounds more like a consequence of trauma rather than genuine belief. I would prioritise finding a therapist who doesn’t dismiss your concerns and can help you work through them.