this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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I asked my wife if she thought I was autistic. She was surprised at the question because she specifically sought an autistic spouse and had been operating under the assumption for no less than five years.
Where do I find the filter by autism feature on tinder?
We met on an adult literature/fanfiction website, so sorry but I can’t help you there! I suck at dating, she hates dating, and we both have little patience especially with people. We’re basically hermits.
How did it start?
Was it on Archive of our Own?
No it was more niche, but we have both contributed there. I really liked her writing voice. I commented on many of her posts, eventually becoming the one to ask her first if we could work on something together. We partnered up on a few stories and observed that we have a lot in common in how we think and see the world through the challenges our characters faced in the story. We kept open a Chatzy and sometimes Skype (it was the fashion of the time!) for collaboration, and we ended up spending a lot of time just hanging out virtually and not actively focused on the writing. We became friends over about three months and the authorship context slowly became less and less important to our friendship, even though we still write today.
I was in a toxic romantic relationship on the side at that time that came to an abrupt end, and we had the talk about how we seem really compatible. Surely we could have a better relationship than the one I was leaving. I joked with her like: hey, you wanna have a couple of kids for me? And she was like: sure! That makes a lot of sense to me and would be great character development for you.
Great story, thanks
Where do you find shells big enough?
honestly good point; such a thing should exist
😆
I'm curious; did she say why?
She’s a very unique person and thought it would help her prospective spouse understand her needs. She has neurodivergent tendencies.
Glad that worked out for her. Has she ever been interesting in seeing if its just tendencies? That sounds like she might be autistic herself to me
I think it’s more that she doesn’t see the value in putting a label on it, but I would not be surprised if it was something. Practically speaking, I’m not sure any formal diagnosis would help her. She was fortunately always able to live independently, which is not true for everyone, but for that reason I’m not sure how fruitful it would be to pursue.
She has not expressed an interest in exploring her uniqueness in a professional setting.
I'm certainly nowhere near your wife, but I've always thought I'm somewhere on the spectrum, but getting a diagnosis wouldn't impact much. I'm certainly introverted (I loved COVID since it gave me an excuse to avoid people), have manageable social anxiety, and probably a few other related symptoms, but none of that impacts my life in any meaningful way. Of my roommates in college, my "closest" one had been diagnosed w/ Aspergers and was very high functioning (liked social situations, but had to mentally process social cues and would frequently ask if he interpreted them correctly).
I'm guessing a lot of people could be diagnosed somewhere on the spectrum, but don't bother because it doesn't impact their lives enough to need any kind of remediation. If you're happy, able to meet obligations, and have healthy relationships (whatever that means for you), there's really no need to get a formal evaluation.
She suspected for five years, but that question confirmed it.