cw: self-harm
American medical system bitching and self-harm
$50/month medication takes the "overwhelming urge to unalive" days per month from 15/30 to 5/30
unfortunately, finding a way to deal with those last crucial 5 days is proving difficult
feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they're diet and exercise and mindfulness, which I assure you are primary occupations and were locked in before I started spending +$50/mo on medication
just feeling so utterly hollowed out and trying to type instead of plot
if I can make it a month and come up with $200 3x over that month, I might come away with an autism assessment and specific recommendations for local-ish therapists and local-ish resources that could help
hopefully maybe β I live in a rural area where resources are thin
regardless, that's not going to fix the 5 terrible days, and I would need more money for a therapist on top of the $50/mo I'm barely doing now, or the $600 between me and getting the therapist recommendations
how do I fix the 5 terrible days? if it even possible? I've tried to accept that maybe they won't ever go away, but it is a bit of a hard row to hoe
and then how does one accumulate more income to afford extra shit while in this kinda state? ππ we don't, do we
never getting a pap or mammogram
just circling the drain
Itβs going to sound stupid and grandiose, but I keep coming back to the thought that the fascists want us to kill ourselves so that their hands look cleaner. Iβm not going to do free labor for fascists. Any time spent considering suicide is simply wasted.
π€ So what you're saying is, I need to trick someone into paying me to do it?
π jk of course
thank you β€οΈ I know it's probably not exactly what you intended, but this idea made the situation very silly to me β it's a dark silly, but it's still silly β which I needed very much.