this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2023
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Mildly Infuriating
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Are all patrons the Monopoly Man? No. So stop trying to shame people for having a little enjoyment in their lives.
We both want the same thing: better, thriving wages for people doing an honest day’s work.
Tipping ‘culture’ has gone too far. We all agree. It doesn’t mean not going out for special occasions because of a flawed system.
If by "enjoyment" you mean having someone wait on you at a restaurant, I'm not shaming people for having enjoyment, just for taking it without paying. Same way I'd shame them for any other form of enjoyment at the expense of others.
There are restaurants that explicitly inform their customers that they pay their staff a higher wage and tipping is not expected. If you don't want to tip and still want your enjoyment, eat at those establishments shame-free.
If you disagree with tipping culture and want to incentivize business owners to pay their workers a thriving wage for their hard work, then stop spending money on establishments that utilize tipping, encourage your friends to do the same, and write the business owners to tell them why. Another shame-free option.
If you go to an establishment where tipping is expected (and menu prices are therefore lower) but choose not to tip, then:
This does not incentive the owner to raise wages. You are exploiting the expectation of a tip that set the low menu prices. If you honestly wanted the server to make a thriving wage, your options are to pay that wage yourself or go to an establishment that does (and consequentially has higher prices to cover this higher wage).
Yes, you should be shamed. There's no excuse for enjoyment via exploitating others.
Candy being enjoyable doesn't entitle you to steal it if you can't afford it. Not agreeing with "candy pricing" culture doesn't excuse it.
I don't care if your doctor or your barber or your banker gives you candy for free, that doesn't entitle you to take it for free from the store. Taking something without paying is theft. Labor is no different. If you can't afford it, go to a restaurant that doesn't use it.
Again, the business transaction is between the patron and the restaurant owner. The employee’s wages are not the responsibility of the patron. They are the responsibility of the owner.
You’re saying “…just for taking it without paying.” However, I am paying. When the bill comes, it is a full account of what the restaurant charges me. End of story.
Edit: No amount of mental gymnastics will change the fact that the restaurant owner is solely responsible for employee wages. Everything else is social shaming.
You're right, your contract is with the business. If you don't want a separate transaction for your server, then just be honest about it.
I do assume you are being honest, and telling your server at the beginning of the meal that you don't tip, right? Surely you're not waiting until after they've given you the customary service to withhold the customary payment, right? That would certainly be shameful indeed, and undercut your desire for them to receive thriving pay for honest work.
No? Because a tip should never be expected. It can and is appreciated, but if it’s to be expected then I expect it to be included in the pricing of the meal, not as a separate “worker welfare” line item.
Then there's no harm on revealing that fact ahead of time. Just let them know not to expect a tip and enjoy your meal shame-free.
I can tell you, as I'm sure you know, that tipping is expected, even if it isn't legally enforced. If you truly believe in honest pay for honest work, than be honest about the fact that you will not be subsidizing their pay and relieve them of that conventional expectation. If you're being honest with yourself, you should have no problem with that, right?
Again you’re expecting the patron to contort themselves through the social custom, instead of simply not participating in it. You seem to have this assumption that patrons expect and deserve a personal slave while dining. Maybe it’s an American and Canadian thing.
I hope you eventually find how freeing it is to not give a shit about what others say or think and just enjoy your meal, pay for it, and be on your merry way.
Your assertion that non-table service restaurants don’t demand tipping is disingenuous. It’s ‘tipping culture’ after all. It’s spread everywhere. Best of luck to you in trying to shame employers into providing proper wages by berating patrons.
Please, send me your paypal link so I can tip you for this interaction.
Non-table service tipping is optional. Toss your change in or throw a couple bucks if you're getting generous. Those workers aren't considered tipped, legally speaking, and they don't make less than minimum wage. That's a pitiful equivocation.
Tell your server when you sit down that you don't tip, or accept that you're a shameful, entitled little bilker. Stop your bloviating about "it's the business owner's responsibility!" and admit that you just a want a little slice of the exploitation for your own wallet.