this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2023
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menby

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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I am a normal, fit and generally happy man in a healthy and loving LTR with a secure job and a robust group of interesting friends AMA (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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IDK this whole men on this site need advice thing has convinced me that people here really think this isn't a safe place to ask questions about how to, IDK, be?. So ask them here I guess if you didn't ask them in the other thread.

I'm drunk and going to sleep now, but I have the day off tomorrow and will sincerely commit to effort-posting responses if anyone has genuine questions they want some in depth advice to.

I will say I'm just a guy who thinks he has enough trips around the sun to have some insight to share but I am not an authority on anything, so anyone else please feel free to chime in

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

How do you do it? How do you manage to find the time and energy to stay fit, perform at work and maintain all those relationships?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

There's lots to say here, so I'll just give a few tips.

Most important individual factor that is relatively easy to adjust is commute time. All time in a car or a crowded bus is really just time subtracted from your life - if you commute for 2 hours a day, that's like 1/8 of your waking (work day) life and 25% of your life off the clock. It's a huge god damned time suck. I have prioritized living close to where I work and where my friends live, even if that means we get a lot less living space or pay more that we would otherwise as a result. (Commuting is an insidious hidden cost because it's basically work time you're not paid for, so while it costs more sometimes I see it as purchasing back that time). I currently live actually pretty far from my work for me because we got evicted, but I ride my bike there and back (1.5 hours a day) so it doesn't feel as much like wasted time. That being said we're talking about moving again to be closer to things.

As for fitness/friends, the manner in which I stay fit is a very social activity that involves spending a lot of time with people - so my fitness has never been in conflict with my friendships but rather strengthens them and also serves as a vehicle to expand my circle. People here always seem to talk about going to the gym and I don't get that at all. Shit seems pretty boring to me, and I think bodybuilding is lame. I'd much rather be getting fit while hanging out with my friends.

Lastly, when I start to put on a bit of weight (usually around this time of year) I start running. I hate running, I think it's boring, but it is the most time-effective way to burn calories that I'm aware of. This kind of maintenance is boring and I try to reduce how much time I put into it, hence running. I usually run once a week as far as I can - by the time the weather starts getting good I'm usually up to about 20k, then I stop and start doing more fun activities outside.