Fitter happier
More productive
this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2023
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menby
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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
Guidelines:
- Questions over blame
- Humility over pride
- Wisdom over dogma
- Actions over image
Rules (expansions on the guidelines):
- Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
- Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
- If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
- If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
- This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
- A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
- Examples:
- "This is reactionary. Here's why."
- "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
- "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
- You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
- Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
- If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
- If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
- If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
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- This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
- Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
- Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
- This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
- No lifestyle content.
- Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
- Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
- At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
- If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.
Resources:
*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks
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If you were a normal and fit man in a healthy and loving LTR with a secure job and a robust group of interesting friends, but you were also absolutely miserable, how would you approach the problem?
what is a lord of the rings secure job?
How do you do it? How do you manage to find the time and energy to stay fit, perform at work and maintain all those relationships?
There's lots to say here, so I'll just give a few tips.
Most important individual factor that is relatively easy to adjust is commute time. All time in a car or a crowded bus is really just time subtracted from your life - if you commute for 2 hours a day, that's like 1/8 of your waking (work day) life and 25% of your life off the clock. It's a huge god damned time suck. I have prioritized living close to where I work and where my friends live, even if that means we get a lot less living space or pay more that we would otherwise as a result. (Commuting is an insidious hidden cost because it's basically work time you're not paid for, so while it costs more sometimes I see it as purchasing back that time). I currently live actually pretty far from my work for me because we got evicted, but I ride my bike there and back (1.5 hours a day) so it doesn't feel as much like wasted time. That being said we're talking about moving again to be closer to things.
As for fitness/friends, the manner in which I stay fit is a very social activity that involves spending a lot of time with people - so my fitness has never been in conflict with my friendships but rather strengthens them and also serves as a vehicle to expand my circle. People here always seem to talk about going to the gym and I don't get that at all. Shit seems pretty boring to me, and I think bodybuilding is lame. I'd much rather be getting fit while hanging out with my friends.
Lastly, when I start to put on a bit of weight (usually around this time of year) I start running. I hate running, I think it's boring, but it is the most time-effective way to burn calories that I'm aware of. This kind of maintenance is boring and I try to reduce how much time I put into it, hence running. I usually run once a week as far as I can - by the time the weather starts getting good I'm usually up to about 20k, then I stop and start doing more fun activities outside.