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Anyone have BPD or date anyone with it? (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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so i’m dating a girl, and last night she mentioned she had BPD. i didn’t think much of it, i wasn’t familiar with it. i just started doing research and went to reddit (maybe a big mistake) just to see what ‘real life’ people were saying about it. it’s /r/BPDlovedones and it’s basically victims of people who have dated someone with BPD...

it’s currently scaring the shit out of me and kind of making me have a panic attack. there was a post saying “Any advice for someone starting to date a person with BPD?” and literally everyone said “Don’t. they’ll ruin your life. the person they are now is not who they really are. they change themselves to adjust to your personality” and it all the basic patterns align with what i’m experiencing. it’s very scary. i don’t know what to do.

edit: yeah it’s just shitty non-BPD being very hateful and resentful. very insensitive, kinda dramatic. anyway

i know reddit is infamous for having these ‘victim’ groups who hate on a certain type of people who ruined their lives, and it feels very dehumanizing. i don’t think it is impossible to date this person and i don’t want to just stop seeing them. i don’t know what to do tbh. just very overwhelmed

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) (1 children)

I dated a woman with BPD for four years ten years ago and I still have emotional scars from it. I developed a tendency to cower and hide whenever my partner is mad at me (instead of talking through it like adults) because I expect an uncontrollable explosion. I ended the relationship partly because she refused to seek treatment or acknowledge that she suffered from anything clinical. In fact, even the most kindly worded suggestion that she might have a problem would send her into an explosive episode. The fact that your girlfriend is aware of her condition already makes her much better off than mine, IMO, and if she's getting treated for it that's even better. Don't break up with her until she gives you a reason to.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 years ago (1 children)

Don’t break up with her until she gives you a reason to.

This is kind of an unfortunate way to express that, seeing how common it is for thoughts of "they'll only love me til I slip up" with this brain type.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 years ago

I guess I could phrase that better. A single slip up isn't reason enough. I meant a pattern of behavior that doesn't improve despite vocalizing your concerns.