I am in my postcovid phase again. This is the third or fourth time and every time I've lost more of my overall health. The first time was the worst and longest, ended up in the hospital that time. After the Omicron one I developed plantar fasciitis and pains so bad that my running and jumping has ended for good. There's been so many weird issues, even teeth breaking. Also flared up my sciatica that has been fine for a decade or more.

But the thing that disables me the most is the nausea and gagging, the GI stuff and POTS I get from it. And it's back again. This time no bad coughing and thankfully not too much mental stuff, but oh man the heart/GI symptoms suck! I spend months gagging on the side of the road when leaving for work after I get it every damn time. It is always worse in the morning and I was just rid of it when I got infected again by my "living like it's 2019" family, for the second time within a year.

I am four weeks in this time and I have a high pounding heartrate after eating and on standing up, some nights I wake up to my heart pounding. Also very hightened stress response, feels like I am just wired all the time. This has happened to me every time, the first time it even gave me the worst panic attacks ever that came fully out of nowhere, it was wild and felt 100% physical.

Oh and interesting new pain stuff along with the foot and joint pains: Yesterday I did a bit of foam rolling to my back and neck to see if it might help with the nausea ans stress. I have done this for years with no issue. Today I feel like someone rolled over my spine with a truck. It's like my entire back is inflamed.

This post covid inflammation is hell. I wonder if I'll still make it, if my heart will.

Just a bit of rant, I am just scared and tired of this. My life is pretty good atm otherwise, I finally would have steady work and income after decades of poverty, I even like my work. Life is more secure and I am just happpier because I know I am audh now and have gotten rid of a lot of brainworms. But this virus feels like it will end me and it feels like there is nothing whatsoever I can do to truly prevent this. We are and have been very cautious, but extended family keeps bringing it to us or we are forced to get it from work/studies. I am not sure my body can keep rolling this dice even once anymore. And we can't even get boosters here, they just aren't available to us.

My partner who was high risk to begin with has developed diabetes after the infection we got for Christmas 2023. And after this time he is just very very brain foggy and has been irritable, not at all himself. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him to this.