menby

A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

1. Questions over blame
2. Humility over pride
3. Wisdom over dogma
4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
   • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
   • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
   • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
   • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
   • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
   • Examples:
     • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
     • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
     • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
   • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
   • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
   • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
   • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
3. No singular masculine ideal.
   • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
   • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
   • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
   • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
4. No lifestyle content.
   • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
   • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
   • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
   • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

• What is toxic masculinity?

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks