this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2024
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Right but how do you tell how someone sees other people unless they actually say it out loud? Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of white guys like this (especially on the internet) but you can’t infer someone is like this just from their dating history.
I think it’s especially an issue in tech because the demographics are already heavily skewed male (and white, Asian, or South Asian) and for some reason women in tech are much less likely to be white (more tolerance for awkwardness?)!
Usually these people will give it away through an accumulation of subtler behaviors, or they just kinda out-right say so.
These things are often subtle. Noticing the many ways they never really talk about/to you in any other way than that one aspect of you they fetishize. In this post there is the dating history, how she is just there, quietly, on his arm, because he isn't actually doing anything to interact with her outside of her being there to be his asian woman. You may say that it is her responsibility to socialize, and that can be true, but more often than not this is a learned behavior. They have come to understand he doesn't really want them being anything but his arm candy, and has a history of making things bad if she does otherwise.
A lot of this easily deniable, which is why so many people fall into it. A lot of abuse, and objectification, isn't going "hey, you are my asian fuck doll, don't try to have autonomy". Much like how racism can be expressed in a bunch of much more subtle ways, like women taking direct hold of their purse when a black man walks on the elevator, but the strange white men didn't illicit the same response. It could just be a shift of position, or a million other things that aren't racism. However, when you are a black man, and see it happen every time this situation comes up, you realize it is a response to you, and what makes you different from those she was around to that point is? You are black. Hell, people might not even be aware they are doing it.
There are some people that make it clear though, for reference see the incel community obsession with asian women.
That’s pretty creepy, though I will say when I’m in public I tend to be pretty quiet. I’m only talkative around people I know. So I’ve definitely been that guy just sitting there quietly with my girlfriend.
Though usually I just keep looking at her like “when can we get outta here?”
Well, the boyfriend, in this example, would be socializing. Just expecting her to be there as an accessory
but yeah it is awkward to see
Yeah that is no good! I hope the original poster finds someone who values her as a person and would rather talk to her than worry about how she looks next to him.
I hope this is at least half a joke and it didn't get super bad for her, but yeah, people like this are everywhere, many don't even realize what they are doing.