the_dunk_tank

idk about that, i've met a lot of trans people living stealth and not one of them was really happy with that, it's something you do out of self preservation instinct or because you think you missed the chance to come out and now it would be weird or w/e and all of them worry about being clocked way too much and have that nagging feeling that they always have to act. What makes me happiest about having come out is particularly that i do not have to do that anymore, that i can be authentic and true to myself and i couldn't do that if i would have to fake being a cis girl every time i clock in at work.

Yeah, i get it, good passing is practical and the less you suffer from your reflection the better, i can relate to that even though i'm nowhere near "finished" - but here's the thing, i don't see anybody besides baby trans worry as much about this stuff as people who pass perfectly and are conventionally attractive as hell. And it's not just - or at least not only - fishing for compliments, being a highly assimilated trans person correlates really fucking strongly with a lack of self acceptance in my experience. And i also see a very strong correlation between being a happy trans person and not giving a flying fuck about cisnormativity.

The kind of lifestyle you're describing is a trap. And i don't mean "being done with medically transitioning and financially secure", i know a ton of trans people who fall into that category and aren't of the opinion that the cistem works for them, because it never works for us, even if we pass perfectly and have the right papers we still have to live in a society full of transphobes. And when they don't know we're around, they do not hold that back, either. I know way too many stories about experiences like that from trans people with good passing, especially when it comes to dating (that is not helped by putting "btw i'm trans" in your dating profile, all awful men seem to universally share the trait of never reading these). And if that's not enough, you just have to look at any queer news source out there if you want to feel trampled upon. It's inescapable how we as a group are treated even if oneself is very safe from that.

The people who are like you describe have not arrived at their position for material reasons, as there is no actual material safety for trans people in our society. This isn't like being gay where being rich and white enough means you don't have to worry. This is "being rich means that i can make realistic plans to leave my home country and everyone i love if they come for us" material safety we're talking about here. Yes, that's a form of privilege, but in itself all these privileges, passing privilege, paperwork privilege, medical privilege, being able to bug out privilege are not enough to become the kind of person you're describing. One of your examples had to flee across half the world from a targeted harassment campaign. You see awful takes from trans people who still boymode after years of HRT and think they can never come out without getting FFS first, you see good takes from trans people who can live off their patreon money and are working on their mainstream media career, and the latter doesn't surprise me at all because even these people constantly get reminded where they're coming from.

The reason some trans people become awful pick mes is not exclusively, but largely false consciousness.