this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2023

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AITA for doing a GoFundMe? (Details within.) (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

70 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Living in the U.S. here, so non-American advice may not be the best thing for me, not sure.

I am living with an undiagnosed serious illness (haven't eaten for 45 days.) I am off work on FMLA, which is a thing businesses in the U.S. offer to their employees where you can taker time off and they will keep your job for you, but you don't get paid. We are not exactly poor, but we are going to be surviving for at least a month on a single income. That will be hard, but we'll make it if we cut back.

HOWEVER.

I have $1000 in medical debt, which will just keep climbing, and I also have a cousin who says that he can get me into the best hospital in New York- I'm in Indiana and we're not exactly at the forefront of medicine- to get thoroughly tested. I cannot afford either of these things. We do not have temporary disability insurance.

I have a lot of friends and relatives who might donate, but I feel like such an asshole asking for money. Especially when my wife is working and has a decent job. I've done everything I can since I was 18 to make it on my own and, while I have had to take handouts in the past, it was at the 'this or starve' level, and my doctor hasn't run out of tests to do on me yet, so I wouldn't quite put it like that. And what if the money isn't enough to go to New York and pay for all of this testing? Do I give it all back?

So should I do a GoFundMe? What do you think?

Please, please, please, please do not give me medical advice. I really really do not want medical advice from strangers on the Internet. I leave that to professionals. But I would love this bit of AITA advice.

TL;DR - Very ill, not working, in debt, possible solution in another state. Should I do a GoFundMe?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I know your stressed, but your health is more important than money and pride. It's much easier to see from my point of view, I know. I've been in your situation myself though and it really sucks. But once you've asked for help, it's strangely not that big of a deal.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's definitely pride over stress, but I don't agree with you about it not being that big of a deal. I still look back on times I've asked for help and felt embarrassed by it even though I know I had no other option at the time. I guess I'm kind of messed up that way? So I'll feel guilty regardless, but it sounds like it's necessary.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I'm going to tell you how I got through it, but feel free to ignore as it might not apply. At some point in your life, you made a decision that asking for money is bad. For example, you were 8 and one of your friend's parents asked for money from your parents. Your 8 year old mind wondered why they didn't have enough money and work harder for it and your mind may have all kinds of reasons to judge them. Maybe your parents were happy but poor so they seemed like they had money but really didn't. I was Catholic growing up so being poor was celebrated, that's why you should give 10% every month, lol. Anyway, that decision when you judged those people or yourself is way in the past and your brain wasn't fully there. Now your battling between the opposites of "I need it and I know it's best for me and my partner," but in your subconscious, your mind is yelling at you to not be that guy. "I should be better at this stuff by now," etc., etc.

My therapist gave me this technique and it works to soothe the battles. It's so freaking stupid and simple, but for some reason it works. If you were to follow it, it would go like this (it can be in your mind if you're not physically able to step forward):

As you take a step forward, you say, "Bring on asking for and accepting money from my friends for medical bills."
As you take another step forward, you say, "I love asking for and accepting money from my friends for medical bills." While feeling all of the feelings that entails.
One last step forward, you say, "Asking for and accepting money from my friends for medical bills sets me free." You should feel it being left behind, like it's getting sucked out of your back.

Now do the opposite with, "Bring on going to go into a huge debt and never asking for help."

This should make your body feel something because it's that struggle making you unable to make a decision and pulling up all sorts of baggage. As I was typing this out, I think it also remakes your long ago, immature (rightfully so), decisions.

Again, no worries if this isn't for you. It really has helped me unpack most of my baggage and you seem like you need to settle your inner battles because your body needs to concentrate on healing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you, you've given me a lot to think about.