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this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2023
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Just when I thought I had gender shit all figured out life throws me for a loop
I've loved every single change from HRT so far and I love looking a lot more feminine but the longer I'm on HRT the less I feel like I want to/need to be a woman. I just want to be "me" if that makes sense, like why do I have to fit into some box and be that, I just want to be myself and not fit into some other category. I mean if a stranger is going to gender me I'd much much rather them see me as a girl than a guy but like why do I have to be either? I still like going by she/her though, and I don't want to be gender neutral / agender, I just like want to be my own thing
Idk maybe I won't feel this way and I'll be back to feeling binary in a couple days. My opinions shift wildly all over the place, the only thing I know for certain and has never changed is that I don't want to be a man, but what I actually do want to be changes
This totally just sounds like you're focusing less on the gender aspect and more on your personal growth because you're starting to accept and see yourself as a woman and thus it's a goal you've already achieved and can let go of
I feel that a lot in recent months. Many people do. "I round my gender to female when i'm around cis people" is something that gets said a lot among my friends, and it just fits the way we do gender. My transition goals are still the same, my pronouns are still she / her, the correct way to adress me in a formal setting is Mrs. Smiley and so on and so on, but now that i've gotten more confident in my new life, now that dysphoria has become this manageable thing that may actually be gone in a year or two, now that the circles i run in become more and more queer and nonbinary ... this whole "man'" and "woman" thing seems like such a scam. What is a woman? It's made-up bs. If i have to fit in one of these two boxes, yeah, it's the girl one, no doubt about that, but it makes no sense that these boxes are standing there in the first place and i just want to set them on fire and replace them with some occult scribbles on the ground.