this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2023
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There are a lot of simple definitions out there, but I think there is no perfect wording that you can craft to convince them of the validity of peoples’ experiences. You will know pretty much right away where they’re at. People who are open and willing to be respectful will be curious, interested, and maybe kind of awkward or misinformed at first but you’ll see the good faith and see their attempt to understand and be kind about it - whereas people who have no intention of understanding will often pretend it’s much way confusing than it is (it’s not!), or get hung up on grammar, focus on semantics or how they’re “too old”, etc. Explaining the concept itself pretty easy, but the hard part comes if they’re not really listening. But, hopefully “oh, so that’s what that means! Huh! Your cousin three times removed was sorta like that, let me tell you a story…” will be the response you get.
There's also "too old" in the sense of "too old to give a shit". I don't think my grandad "gets" me being trans, but he had definitely decided he is too old to care and was like "Okay, name, pronouns, got it, don't bother explaining" and proceeded to be the only family member who was perfect at it.
(It's actually kind of fascinating to see what language he comes up with on his own. Somehow, he has never learned what "transition" is and says things like "When he was being a girl..." which is simultaneously "getting it" and kind of cringe.)
Haha oh my god. This is so sweet though. I think it is so easy for most people to instinctively understand - but harder for some of them to be like, fully aware of the nuances of how we talk about things now. I have mostly heard “I’m too old” deployed as a stand in for “i do not want to have this conversation. stop talking to me about it”.
Yep, if they're resistant you immediately alter course and say in America we believe in freedom, freedom to live however they want, that no one should tell them how to live. Watch them try to figure that out
This is the correct response. Wish I’d done that.