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I need to pass a drug test on which my entire future depends. I need help and am freaking the fuck out. (hexbear.net)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn't care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren't for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn't work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend's pee but then I learned that you're actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn't work either.

So basically I'm fucked and I don't know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don't know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I'm 5'9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Another tactic to stall is to piss dilute by drinking an absurd amount of water. That is usually an automatic re-test but it takes like a week to come back from the lab so it buys time

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I got sent back the next day one time, because my urine was too dilute. Funny enough, it didn't matter to me because I was clean, but I like to stay hydrated I guess.

But just saying, it very much depends on the testing center

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Yep, also beware that different companies have different standards. If you're trying to enter a Federal govt position or you're on Parole they might consider a "dilute" as a "fail" whereas the company I worked for considered it "null" and required a re-test.

If the test isn't monitored, the safest bet if you've smoked weed in the last 30 days is to cheat with a water balloon of clean piss, as I mentioned above.