this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
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I think this one is tough. I know a few people that consensual non-monogamy has worked out well for (long term), but most of the people that I know who tried it out it hasn't gone well. So I'm not against it in theory, but it comes with a lot of caveats. I don't personally know anyone who began a monogamous relationship, transitioned to poly, and had it end well. I tend to think of this scenario as a sign of relationship trouble, or a cause of it. Maybe it's not polyamory's fault that so many people in relationship trouble are drawn to it.
I know a lot of people for whom monogamy hasn't turned out well, too. Lots of divorces and broken hearts. If you think of all the relationships that don't work out, the ones that do are miracles.
That's fair for sure. I do think I've lived long enough to know a few predictors of failed relationships though, and if someone tells me they're opening up the relationship, then I expect them to be done within a year.
That's probably a selection bias though. Most people might try opening up their relationship when there are already problems.
It's true, and I kind of mentioned that in my original comment. I'm just speaking from my experience. I do know one couple with an open relationship who have been going strong for years. The difference for them (I think) is that they have been poly since the beginning.
It's pretty common to the point of being clichΓ© that "we opened up out relationship" will fail. Usually the people involved are going to come at it in an extremely hierarchical way. Often there are existing problems that aren't being addressed. It's almost at the same tier as "let's have a baby to save our relationship"
People who are non monogamous from the start I expect have similar success rates as anyone else.
I pretty much agree.