this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2023
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Thank you for the survey! Gonna go and sign it.
Ugh, that just, UGH! I've mentioned I'm non binary (genderqueer/genderfluid, very gender anarchy), and definitely not going to say that like my struggle is worse. But yeah like transphobia doesn't have to be blatant attacks calling trans binary and non binary folks pedos and shit, transphobia can be misgendering, using dead names, just not being nice towards us. Like I have to deal with a lot of she's and stuff, and it's similar to the singer Demi Lovato who says that they don't use they/them pronouns strictly any more because it's so exhausting trying to explain it. And I feel the exact same way. Especially when it comes from people you care about too.
My dad and stepmum call my sister and I 'the girls' because it's easier, and I understand. But like 1) I'm not a girl gender-wise (even if I'm feeling feminine one day) 2) I'm an adult, when I brought it up I think I was maybe 25 or 26. I'm fully in my mid-twenties (now I'm in my late twenties)... please stop calling me girl, just say, the children or something. Even though I'm not a child, I am my father's child.
And even with that said, transphobia is hurtful towards cis folks. Like you have the 'always tell' crowd who will attack cis men and women. There's stories in America of cis girls being attacked because they win sporting matches. Or women getting killed because men think they're trans women. Like, this is my fight as a trans nonbinary person. But I will fight for my trans brothers sisters and siblings. Like, our entertainment, our slang, our makeup, our fashion, is all on the backs of trans folks.
But also it's just the right thing to do. Trans rights are human rights, no matter what. I am so proud of you for being you, I'm so proud of you for standing up to him, I hope that someone at least stood up for you, and if not, that's a damn shame.
๐๐๐ You are always welcome to talk to me whenever you need it. I am so sorry for this long comment, I'm just very passionate about... well, social justice. My ex-stepdad was a dickhead but he'd always call me a social justice warrior. But honestly, I wear that with pride. Humans need to stick together and stick up for people. I might not understand what it's like to be a trans woman, but I know that they are my fellow beings and it'd be terrible for me to not fight for them and with them.
Thanks a lot hun. I'm passionate about trans, gender diverse, non binary and intersex rights and quite a few other social justice causes and I'm doing something about it most week days. I don't care what people think really, because ultimately it's none of my business. Being made fun of for the way I look is something I've always had to deal with but the cis world still think it's ok to make fun of us and that needs to change. I figure those people are probably bigots in other ways as well and need help, not my anger. I think non binary and other gender diverse people have a harder time though because it's not been as visible as being transgender has been for as long, of course, people have been non binary since forever as well. I hope you did something special for your special day on Friday!!
Even some allies still seem to think of gender being binary. Its not about who's suffering most of course, when one of us gets bad treatment we all suffer and we're all united under the gender diverse banner, always! It's not always appropriate to call enbys trans because there's not always a transition into another hormone biology. So I'm careful about using the word trans to describe everyone with some kind of gender non-conformity. I don't quite understand because it's not who I am, just like I never understood what it was like to be a man or straight.
Even my mother who is a staunch supporter of myself and another trans family member got annoyed when I told her my son's half sibling stated to me she was a demi-girl because sometimes she (her chosen pronouns) is a boy. That she confided in me about though and hasn't really talked to anyone else, was great of course, I love that people I know now have that outlet. I wish I hadn't told mum though.
I dress pretty androgenous and its likely no one else noticed. I didn't want to create a fuss, I just left an uncomfortable situation and felt good about knowing when to leave. I didn't say anything at the time, as it would have been seen as inappropriate in that particular venue, it was an AA meeting and culture war stuff is not discussed. It's tiring trying to educate people honestly. I only bother explaining things to allies. Most people don't read my pronoun badge or see the fucking trans flag patch on my sleeve because they haven't been educated or just don't care.
So proud of you for living your truth, we still live in one of the best cities for being ourselves and living our truths and I'm thankful of that every day. Sometimes I wish I had a tshirt which read, no one knows I'm transgender lol. Like I said, I'm proud of it and see not being my gender assigned at birth as a very rare gift. Cis people don't get to spend years thinking about being cis, but we have a unique other layer to our identities.
Oh and I too extend the hand of friendship, and thank you for reaching out.
I wish that cis people really just had a look into how they express gender. Like, because everyone performs gender that re-affirms theirs. Cis women wear makeup to appear 'feminine', men might put on 'masculine' smelling deodorant or perfume. Like, I wish that cis people sort of looked critically at their own expression of gender and how they might deviate from it as well. I'm sure there are men out there who like baking, and there are tradeswomen, both performing tasks that are "out of the binary norm" you know?
Like, when people ask you, how'd you always know you were trans, or me with nonbinary. It's like, how did they always know they were cis. You just... know. For some it's instant, for others it takes a while.
The world is set up for people to not question anything. It's footy or netball, bbq or baking. I never fit gender stereotypes and still refuse to as a trans woman honestly. I get bullied by some trans woman about my voice and my hrt and tell them to stop being so condescending. I've always been this way I just have the right hormones now. I never thought it meant I was trans until I read that it did and tried leaning more into makeup and drag such. That gave me euphoria. My psych suggested I go on hormones, did my informed consent and to live a life I'd always dreamed about seemed incredible. But it never really meant, oh cool high heels and frocks. It meant being biologically female and to have real female emotions and to finally realy be "one of the girls" at least it does now. Now I just wear what I feel like, masc or femme according to common perceptions. But it's still pretty androgenous. People bullied me to see I needed a new style too. Fuck that, I have always worn band tshirts and such, why should I change that? I have a lot of skirts and a few super femme tops though to be fair. Make up is a pain in the butt, expensive, bad for skin and takes ages. It's good for events and of course it makes me feel special, but for everyday when I don't need to do anything about it, why waste time and money? I don't need to pass so the cis world can treat me like one of their own... That's a bit like admitting defeat.
I think some trans women dislike that because they never expressed their femininity until it was bursting out of them. People are always people though and want to tell you what to do.
Honestly, I feel ya. I love wearing band shirts and graphic tees and such, and I don't wear a lot of makeup, but I still really love wearing makeup but I 100% agree with you.
It's weird that like once you've decided on a binary gender, you must affirm to your gender or else you're not a real transes. Like, it's just so boring. I mean I say this as someone who doesn't align with one or the other gender, but it's just like, what's the point when there's so many politics and it's like ugh.
Exactly. Why pretend to fit into a society which marginalises anyway just for trying? Fuck that! We're here and we're queer and we're not buying their bullshit.