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Donate the money to a charity in their name.
Like an honest Good Charity whose cause they believe in.
That way, you'll have done a nice thing in their name but they'll be a piece of shit for feeling bad about it when they find out what you did instead of giving them the money directly.
Glittery slime for their child. It's the cruelest thing you can buy someone and probably costs closer to $10.
Pennies. Individually wrapped.
Funny story, my uncle did something similar once as a gag gift for me and my siblings. He gave us each a wad of industrial shrink wrap (the kind used to wrap heavy machinery like boats for storage) with like $100 in coins inside. He had actually heat-gunned it to stick it all together. We had to spend the next day pulling it apart to get all the loonies and toonies out
What kind of a “friend” are you to ask this question??
Why be a dick?
Live insects. A quick amazon search indicates that you could buy 2,000 live crickets or 27,000 live ladybugs.
I start jumping off walls if I see a single roach. If I got a thousand roaches flying in my face I'd surely burn myself alive.
"This is fine."
How old are they? As that will completely change what presents fit your criteria.
Convert it all to pennies and give it to your friend that way.
There was a company once specilized in delivering boxes full of the shit (meaning feces) of your choice to your chosen special person, it was called something like "shitexpress"
a friend of mine once gifted me some lottery tickets and one fake one. fake one said I had won like 30K but when you read the back to see how to collect there were things like redeemable at yo mamas house etc.
that was probably 20-25 years ago, I still can't fully forgive him.
A goldfish. Just the fish. Ask them to name it on the spot so they have to keep it. Now they need to rearrange their home to make space, and buy a tank and such for it.
A dildo. So that he/she can go f**k himself/herself.
Deodorant
A sync for lemmy lifetime subscription
An office chair. For that price it will be terrible and too big to do anything with it besides gifting it or throwing it out.
A picture of yourself or a mirror?
A glitterbomb and a donation to something they really don’t like. A stripper of the gender they’re not interested in. If they’re italian, throw in a square-shaped pineapple pizza, too.
A glitter bomb?
a case of Jeppson's Malört
Assuming you are just a horrible person: Buy them gympie gympie leaves, toss them in a gift bag, and don't tell them what they are but that their present is in the leaves.
The present is incredible pain btw.
A pile of shit... (literally)
What if they're a gardener?
::: warning: tasteless content
Go to a crematory, ask one of the workers for some dead body parts (the 100$ are bribe, not price)
:::
