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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Ambitious_Rip903 on 2023-08-12 05:54:29.
I’m laying here holding my baby girl tight tonight. I don’t know what to do…
I (27 F) and my husband (28 M) have two children together (3 F & 1 M). We own a business and have been married for 4 years. The usual thing happened, we were young and carefree and got married and after having children everything changed. I started to feel under appreciated and he felt like because he upkept a lot of the financial and physical side of the business (I emotionally and physically exerted myself into the business as well and while I was pregnant twice I might add) that whenever I got upset that he wouldn’t help with house chores that I was ungrateful which wasn’t the case. I slowly became detached and depressed but have stuck it out for the kids but as a result we don’t sleep in the same room any more (after I had our son, it was easier to keep him separate from my husband so I could tend to the baby all night in the guest room while he slept in the master, I didn’t mind at all but he would call me lazy when I was tired and wanted to nap).
This has been going on for the last 4 years. There was a breaking point last October for me when I wanted a divorce but he begged to give him another chance and to try harder and even though I knew he wouldn’t change, I decided to stay to give my children a stable home and a loving father 24/7.
I’ve accepted the fact that I will never be happy with him but I deserved what I had because of the choices I made even when my gut told me otherwise and I still chose to have children and stay with him. I emotionally blunted in our relationship and tried to find happiness with my children whom I adore to no end.
That brings me to yesterday. I woke up in a terrible mood because of an disagreement that happened in the middle of the night regarding our daughter. I was exhausted from starting my period the day prior, tending to the baby at 5 am and I couldn’t go back to sleep. In the heat of our argument (he usually starts the yelling and this all took place in front of our daughter who was watching tv) he told me that I should go shoot myself. I scoffed and shook my head and looked at my daughter. I couldn’t believe he said that but I wasn’t surprised . He knows I suffer from depression and I kept thinking about how the last person who should ever say that to someone should be their spouse and yet here we are. He left for work and I stayed with the kids and emotionally detached. A whole 36 hours later and after me ending every conversation I had with him “well I’ll go shoot myself now”. He finally says sorry and I say “No you’re not” and walked away.
At this point, I want to give him the business and the house and everything (besides the kids) and go live with my mom.But I also keep thinking he’s so immature and truly maybe let his anger get the better of him but at the same time I don’t know if I can be with someone knowing they said something so hurtful and messed up in front of his children. Am I the asshole for wanting to leave and break apart my family?
Long story short; my husband told me to shoot myself during an argument and I wanna know if I would be a jerk for leaving him over that.