this post was submitted on 18 May 2024
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Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

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Welcome to Food Crimes! This community is here to collect all and any post about cursed food and generally unusual consumables.

Right now, here’s the rules:

  1. Posts must include an image or video containing food or drink.
  2. It must be unusual or cursed in some way. a. For example, something like Doritos Milk would be unusual, but normal milk would not.
  3. No AI posts whatsoever, and any images that were altered (Ex: Photoshop, Gimp) need to be tagged.

How to tag: To tag your posts, please prepend or append the tag name inside square brackets. For example,[OC] Foo bar baz or foo bar baz [Meta] would be acceptable. Multiple tags will require separate pairs of brackets, like so: [Edited][OC] foo bar baz

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 3 months ago (3 children)

FWIW - this picture has been floating around since the mid 2000's; the person who blogged about it cooked it super wrong. The instructions said to use a bain marie, and they didnt know what a bain marie, but saw you boiled water in it, so they just boiled the can. If you boil a can, water is 100% going to seep into it, and turn it into...what you see here.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago

I think that context just graduates the food crime from second degree to first degree

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Ok so wtf is a bain marie?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (3 children)

A double boiler, sometimes called a "hot water bath".

Basically a container with what you're cooking inside over the top of a pot of heated water.

It heats things up evenly and gently.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Ok i know what a double boiler is and what theyre for. I've never heard them called that before

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Judging by the can, this thing is meant for multi-day backpacking trips, and you're telling me that on top of tent, sleeping pad, change of clothes, propane stove etc. I have to bring a freaking bain marie along and do some french cooking nonsense in order to get this to taste right, when the patty already looks more like an industrially manufactured pipe seal?

Sure, no problem, I got my bain marie right here, next to my solar powered sous vide oven and my portable overnight charcoal smoker. I don't need room for water or sunscreen or anything, having a gourmet canned cheeseburger is far more important.

LOL
LMAO, even

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

It's a lower pot that you boil water in with an upper pot that you put the food in. No water gets near the food, it's meant for applying even, indirect heat

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Wait are these cans not watertight?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

They are in the same way any canned good is. If you boil it, the can is likely to warp slightly and allow water in, also things like plastic liners and other chemicals can leech into your food, you generally aren't supposed to cook food inside the cans they come in.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Canned food is literally pasteurized in said can, while submerged in water at temperatures slightly lower than 100 °C. The whole reason to put food in cans is to create an airtight atmosphere that can be thermally treated with hot water. This kills certain spores (mainly botulinum) which is why canned food has a very long shelf life.

It's still not correct to cook the food that way, but not because of the reason you made up.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Boiling a can can absolutely open up a can. Pasteurizing happens below boiling point and for much shorter time, not enough time to change the pressure inside the can.

Boiling it for a long time can evaporate liquids and cause the pressure to build up and split a can open or warp it enough to open. It's enough of a concern that condensed milk generally ships with a warning because of it.

Note that it won't generally be the giant pop/explosion of cooking a can directly in flames.

In fact, cans of condensed milk specifically bursting when boiling was a big enough concern a few years ago because of a tiktok trend making caramel that way that there articles and videos of people fuckin it up

https://ca.sports.yahoo.com/style/why-cautious-making-caramel-canned-131502700.html

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Hmm, I might backpedal a bit with my comment. Though I believe it's near impossible to get the contents to a flashing point unless the water that is used is in a pressurized environment. Condensed milk is a liquid, meaning it is heated a lot faster than food. Liquids are subjected to convection when heated, meaning they heat up easily. I doubt a hamburger inside a can will ever reach 100 °C in boiling water.

Still, thanks for explaining your reasoning, I work in the beverage industry and know a fair deal about pasteurization, but that all happens somewhere between 60-80 °C and CO2 is the main culprit in terms and peaking cans. I wasn't thinking about water turning into gas, thus increasing internal pressure.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No problem on explaining my point! I do also concede that it is a guess on my part, but also when you consider theres other images you can find of a canned cheeseburger that don't look nearly so wet and soaked, I feel reasonably confident in my guess.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

I have a feeling it might have to do with the cheeseburger being trapped in an airtight environment. That way the water can't evaporate, it stays in the can and condenses right back onto the cheeseburger once opened.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I’m starting to suspect Dr. Oetker’s credentials may not be real…

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

No, it's real. He got an actual doctorate and a specific patent on baking powder.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_Oetker

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

I've had these, and they are actually pretty good. But you will burn your tounge. Badly.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

no....this just cannot be real

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (3 children)

You can get a lot of things in a can.

Pasta. Meat. Cheeseburgers.

Whole chicken.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

They were put there by a man.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

In a factory doowntoooooowwwnnn

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

If I had my little way, I would eat them every day

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Whole chicken you say?

shakira-chicken-twerk!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Cougar gold canned cheese is an incredibly popular Christmas present in ~~Oregon~~ Washington

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Yes, cheeseburgers in a can are a real thing. Haven't tried them myself, but I heard they're not awful.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

As disgusting as these appear and sound on paper, every single review I've seen across multiple brands of these canned hamburgers/cheeseburgers has been positive. Because of those I'd give 'em a try if I ever saw them for sale.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

"Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker."

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I remember watching youtuber try these out. She said it tasted better than she expected. Like, not good, but edible enough in a pinch.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Pretty sure Ashens covered Trekking food in an old video on yt.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

It’s a risky business model, going all in on catering to the post-apocalypse last-resort pre-cat-food desperate survival market.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Na dann, Mahlzeit!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Cheesus Christ

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

It even has pickles, what's the problem?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It doesn't look any worse than an AM/PM burger.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Dear God, almost like comparing left testicular torsion to right testicular torsion lol… both are terrible and borderline prison food.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I thought the canned cheeseburger was from Germany, thankfully it's from the Swiss (Suisse). 12 month shelf life!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

What did you expect?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Considering that the worst cheeseburger I've had in my entire life was in Germany, that looks about right.

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