Some people do get upset; some people don’t.
The easily upset don’t—or refuse to—understand that 1) some of us have brains that just don’t remember people’s names very well, and that 2) they should get over themselves.
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Some people do get upset; some people don’t.
The easily upset don’t—or refuse to—understand that 1) some of us have brains that just don’t remember people’s names very well, and that 2) they should get over themselves.
I would go as far to say that most 'peoples brains' dont remember new names well, unless there is a strong emotion tied to the meeting of a new person (hate, fear, infatuation, etc) then its easy to forget what someone said by the time you have made some introductory small talk and moved on to a conversation topic or had to break off the conversation and go elsewhere.
I find i either have to have somebody else say their name a lot for it to stick or i mentally break off from the conversation when i can get away with it and in mind find a way of remembering their name with a trick like associating it with a similar sounding word, or a famous actor with the same/similar name, etc.
People get upset if you part your hair wrong. Forgetting a name hasn’t gotten me killed yet but stranger things have happened.
I can remember someone’s name after one meeting but when I can’t it makes me feel awkward. I feel less awkward when 9 times out of 10 they forgot meeting me the first time.
I usually find it relieving because I don't remember their name, either.
Yes! I spend way too much time wishing other people will mess up so I'm not worst in class, haha.
Some do, some don't.
I certainly won't as I tend to forget names a lot. Call me as you wish.
Thanks, as you wish!
Will do Jerry!
Stop calling me Jerry.
Alright, As You Wish.
It really depends on the context. What was the first encounter? If it was a first date, then yeah, that’s brutal and you suck. If it was a quick intro at a busy event, it’s almost expected.
There’s a bit of a difference between names and faces. Forgetting a name is like forgetting a piece of trivia, but if you meet and speak to somebody and can’t recognize them in a different context (and they look basically the same), it can send a signal that you didn’t find them memorable (and you didn’t lol).
The only time in my life when I found it irritating was my best friend’s roommate who, after hanging out with them in small groups dozens of times for hours each time, still kept introducing herself to me on subsequent visits. I could never figure out if it was drugs, a method of humour or flirting I didn’t understand, or she was really that oblivious to other people.
At work I once told the customer to stop talking during the presentation because I didn’t recognize them as our customer.
I have face blindness. It was an innocent mistake but wow do I regret doing that.
I was on a third date, and we met an acquaintance of mine. I went to introduce them and blanked. Worse, I went for what I thought I remembered, which ended up close enough to be culturally insensitive. His name was Franz and I said Fritz and he was pretty hurt.
How is that culturally insensitive?
He was Austrian in Germany and those are both very stereotypically Austrian names.
That just seems petty. They both sound like generic German names to me. There even used to be a Kaiser named Fritz. Just recently I was asking someon "was your name James?" reply: "no, Jason". It was a non-issue
He also had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it, to be fair.
Depends, in my experience.
In High School, I forgot someone's name, and being autistic and all, I just said outright "You, I forgot your name". We knew each other and all, but I have an issue associating people's face to a name. Of course, they were upset, but since they used sarcasm I had a hard time figuring it out (autism) until one of my friends asked me why I said that, and told me it was impolite.
Now I basically explain that I have trouble remembering names, and usually my new friends understand. I guess you just need to say that you usually have trouble with it and you should be fine.
I'm not sure whether my neighbours of 5 years will be upset and at this point I'm too afraid to find out.
I always lead by stating I suck at remembering names, which usually works. Still I understand why some get upset, because they themselves spend a lot of time and energy cramming names. I too cram names if they're needed in a work function.
The trick is to call everyone boss, then you don't need to remember their name.
I have an extremely hard time remembering peoples names so I have no issue if people forget mine.
I'm just honest and go something like " sorry man I'm an idiot and can never remember names", generally people are chill about it.
me hearing a person's name once during being introduced
me... minutes later realizing that there is just a blank spot in my memory where there name should be
me... waiting for months hoping that somebody uses their name around me in a context that attaches a name to that person because I'm too much of a coward to ask the person directly
Bro I can't remember a name for anything, so I just use a filler, like "bro".
I don't, but I also don't remember anyone's name, either, so I might just be expecting the same treatment. If anything, it's just awkward because the other person is being apologetic about it, not realising that in about 5 seconds I'm going to ask them the same question...
Some do, some don't. As with any large enough group
I always preface with the fact I'm bad at names. I forget names of coworkers I've spent years with. Even friend's names sometimes. In fact, I does not even have to be a person or animal's name, jus the name of something. Places, objects, locations, etc. I frequent a park that has sentimental value and I couldn't tell you the name off the top of my head.
A friend of mine has a joke that I always get the letter wrong. Usually I'll say "I think it starts with [letter]" and most times it's incorrect.
Usually there are ways around it since I've been told it's rude, but nobody has ever outwardly told me they were unhappy I've forgotten. Typically they will notice I forget other names before it becomes a problem with them.
I have a pretty good memory for faces, just really not for names. I know where and when I met someone but I can't tell you their name even if we met a bunch of times.
I've got shit recognition of faces, poor remembrance of names, but fantastic remembrance and recognition of voices.
It's a challenge.
Yeah, I can often do voices best too. It's strange that a little piece of vibrating cartilage can be distinguished so well.
People like when other people care about them and one way to show that is to remember their name. Some people are too self important and think everyone should remember their name. We have a name for that. It's Asshole.
Knowing people's names isn't about hearing it once and remembering. It's about learning people's names and forming relationships. Here are some ways I learn names
When you meet someone and they tell you their name repeat it to them. When you ask them a question, address them by name. Use their name more than you think you should.
...And when you inevitably forget their name, apologize and ask again. Before they even know you forgot. Sometimes (most of the time) they don't remember your name either.
Better still. Apologize, tell them you forgot, and ask them if you can guess. You know what you think it was. Was it close to Jason? Do I look like a Jason to you? Well, actually... (better conversation than what preceded)
Use mnemonics. A girl in my class sat three from the end. Her name was Trinity. Zoe and kYm were next to each other in the back of the room. YZ. Use your penchant for location as a tool rather than excuse.
Deliberately read nametags. At the supermarket checkout. Security guards. Janitors. Doesn't matter. Thank them by name. This is EXACTLY what their tags are for. Use them! This is good practice for when it "actually matters" or an easy way to be decent to other people.
I've taken a habit of quickly saying I don't remember names well in some spaces. It comes up a lot in volunteering and activist spaces, where you might meet a dozen people at the same time and then not again for another month. Everyone has a quick laugh and forgives each other for forgetting their names.
(I feel weird if people refer to me by name, which probably says something about my relationship with myself)
I get relieved. I feel like it gives me an imaginary "get one name wrong" credit.
I don't normally get upset if people forget my name. But I did get upset once when I met a guy and he forgot me. I was hanging out with a mutual friend and was quickly introduced to this guy at a bar, then the same mutual friend and I were at the same bar when the next time I saw that guy he forgot he met me already but I shook his hand and reintroduced myself, this happened another time at the same bar which annoyed me but I went through the process, then the next time this happened at the same bar I told him we already met several times and refused to shake his hand because I already had shaken it before. He awkwardly laughed it off as I just stared him down, then he eventually left my friend and I to hang out alone.
Our mutual friend thought that was excessive on my part, but that guy sure as fuck remembered me after that.
If he had forgotten my name, that's understandable. Totally forgetting me several times, fuck off.
I think most ppl are fine with it if it is only once and you seem genuinely sad about it. I am fine with ppl forgetting we even met I am even playing along pretending it is the first time we meet, so far has it only been ppl I met maybe twice in my life(except one person). I have only met one person who actually got sad when I forgot her name. She asked if I was not as happy as she was to see me.. That hurt, I remembered her tho! But not her name.
I think it is worse when I have to introduce myself everytime we meet and it has been over 3 times... One dude he never remembered me until the 5th time then he said "heey we have met before right?! " he even looked genuinely happy and I felt "finally we can stop pretending" but then the next time we met he introduced him self again... I remember you Felix!
Names are just something I'm not very good at remembering. For that matter, auditory processing in general is a weakness for me. So I'm up front with people, that I am not good with names. Same with difficult to pronounce names, I will ask that they repeat the pronunciation because I want to get it right. I've never had anyone be upset.
One time, decades ago, I was drunk at a house party and kept calling a woman by the wrong name. Eventually her friend got really mad at me. I have no idea why I couldn't remember her real name.
If we’ve just met, not at all.
If we’ve been best friends for 10 years, that would sting a little.
I pissed a kid off in college the whole time I knew him by calling him the wrong name. I didn't know what his name was, but I did know that wasn't it.
No matter how carefully I say my very simple two syllable English name for people, they call me another variation of it. My asshole MIL has called me by the wrong name for over 25 years on purpose because it's the kind of thing she likes to do. I give up.
People definitely get upset when you use the wrong name. —I don't
In my experience most conversion's don't require the use of a name, so it's not that noticeable if I forget a name.
My name has so many variations that I don't. But I can understand why others do, they don't want to be associated with either a more common archetype than they are or a less common one, e.g. I have a friend who goes by Lydia, and when people call her Linda, it feels as if she feels the unique implications of her name challenged.
Only if i have fairly consistent interaction with them
I was a low level IT guy many years ago and had worked for the company for about 4 years. There was a sales guy also named Bob that I would help out a few times a year. It was a small company, around 50 employees, and every year at the company Christmas party sales guy Bob would come up to me and say "I don't think we've met, I'm Bob".
That pissed me off, but it is the only time I can remember where I was upset someone didn't remember my name.
It happens. Half the time people get bummed, the other half they are OK with it and will tell you they have a hard time remembering names too. I am in the latter group. When I forget a name and the person is obviously upset I'll tell them "let me tell you something few people beside my wife know about me, I have this social anxiety that yadayadayada...". This usually smooths things out as I've shown a vulnerable side and nice people sympathize with that. If they don't fuck em
Yes. If I forgot someone's name after meeting them it would be like me saying "you're not important enough to me to remember your name." It's especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.
It's especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.
What if that number is zero?
I can give a tangent I suppose. I, like many have a first and last name. I prefer... Military style (no idea what to call it, if it has a proper name). I've gone by this for 25+ years. I'll introduce myself as such to people I know, work with, etc. and there's usually questions... Which I can understand, generally it's people not believing that that's my name. Either it sounds too absurd to be a name or it is too absurd to be a first minute, we're honestly I totally get. A quick show of their driver's license usually sorts it out. And most people will refer to me as my last name. Only occasion someone will use my first name and it doesn't really bother me, usually. (And just be clear I don't use it like how a teacher would I use it like as if it was a first name that makes sense...).
When it does bother me is when it becomes obvious that the person is going out of their way to make sure they use only my first name. Because it is a clear sign of disrespect. And in almost every single case it's clear that the person thinks they're the first person to think of this and they think they're clever and that I don't notice. The most blatant was as individual started to say my last name, immediately stopped after the first few letters, and switched to my first name... It cannot have been more obvious that was intentional.