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Is it OK for middle agers to hit on young staff? (hilariouschaos.com)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Obviously the inclination is to say

no, that's a captive audience and it's creepy.

Because part one is always true and part two is sometimes true, maybe even often true. Idk. It's part of how people take things.

But if you're a guy or a less than hot gal getting some attention, isn't it potentially a little nice?

Should it be reserved for 'socially acceptable for middle aged people on the right side of 5 to hit on young staffers who are no higher than a 6..?'

Or is this always bad business?

Time to find out who's an extrovert and who's not, I guess.

I heard someone say it's good because it gives people a boost of confidence and self worth.

I've heard others say it's always bad.

An ex girlfriend of mine used to give me the business cards and phone numbers she got whole being a waitress when we met as almosr a sign of bragging lol, she was proud of all of them

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Ok to whom? Hit on how?

If they are your subordinates (as in you work together) I would say no, that’s not ok.

If they’re staff somewhere you are visiting, I’d say that’s almost always creepy. They’re working, not out looking for dates. There’s not an inherent power dynamic though, and some context clues might show you it is acceptable.

The how is important. If you’re grabbing asses or wolf whistling that’s creepy. Asking someone if you can take them out for coffee or something isn’t inherently creepy.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

OK, I see, I mean, I would defintely agree that it's always wrong to hit on your subordinates. I've never done it. I also think that it would be really bad to ever initiate physical contact - especially of a sensitive part of the body - and the wolf whistle is always wild, lol...

I've seen it happen, though, where the woman on the receiving end was delighted, so it has softened my heart to it, but I have never done it (and not just because I can't whistle).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah but you cannot assume that because some people have liked the flirting that it’s acceptable in any given case

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

https://wiktionary.org/wiki/you_don%27t_dip_your_pen_in_company_ink

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If they flirt with you it's cool the flirt back. Just don't ask anyone out unless you are ready to be cool when they say no and be sure you are 100% interested in taking them seriously.

If you can't take the no it's creepy.

If you're just trying to get a number to stoke your ego it's creepy.

If you ask and accept the answer it's fine.

If you flirt without hitting on or asking out you'll often make their day. And if the vibe is off stop. It's not that tricky.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think this is the right answer, and very succinctly stated, thank you!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You're welcome. It took me 10 years of making mistakes to figure out so it's maybe not as easy as I make it sound. Really the key was getting out of my head and paying attention to them. Learning happens much quicker when I'm paying attention to the feedback I'm getting. Microexpression are powerful teachers.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They certainly are - I think I have struggled to some degree with reading the audience right at times. It is very natural to miss things that people even try to hide or are not conscious of.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Understanding and responding to microexpressions in context and in real time is a skill like swimming. You learn it in your body, you don't think at all, you just do it. Good luck out there.