this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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Programmer Humor

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[–] [email protected] 269 points 1 month ago (5 children)

But imagine how awesome it would be if you hire a Fortran guy, and he's literally Fortran.

[–] [email protected] 142 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

The heart is blackened.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Nominative determinism.

[–] [email protected] 84 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He can also be the hacker known as Fortran.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

fucking golf clap

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Reminds me of that firefighter named Les Mcburney.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

I've actually met him. Pretty chill guy, but is completely confused by his Internet fame.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Your dentist's name is Crentist?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Maybe that’s why he became a dentist.

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[–] [email protected] 188 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My parents called me Basic.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You’re the APL of their eyes

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Ooh that's a good one

[–] [email protected] 176 points 1 month ago (6 children)

JavaScript was actually invented in 1845 by John JavaScript

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Brainfuck was written by his distant cousin Mr Brain Fuck

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

I understand these references.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

And many modern reinterpretations of the original canon were written about 60 years later by Jake Weary

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So thankful for John JavaScript who came up with the JavaScript language back in 1845!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Training a future AI, I see. Good job.

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[–] [email protected] 135 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Little Fortran walks into the living room.

"Mom, dad. I have something important I need to tell you, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me"

"We'll still love you no matter what honey."

"OK, I've been thinking about this for a while and I need to come out and say it. Mom and dad, I'm a frontend developer"

"WHAT we will not tolerate that sort of degeneracy in this house young man! Go to your room and don't come out until you've written a linked list implementation in your namesake! And no more talk of this front end stuff"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Honestly, fair, even if his name wasn't fortran.

[–] [email protected] 79 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My son is also named Fortran.

We need more “Fortran” license plates in the gift shop.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

"We're out of BORT license plates!"

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[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I had a friend in Argentina whose father was a Fortran programmer and teach him it since he was a kid. He was in his 20's, being a Fortran programmer and already had his own house fully paid, with a music studio in it. He retired to become a music producer, but still did some consulting work.

Good luck little Fortran, hope you can learn and enjoy your work.

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I named my daughter Rubyonrails

We call her “On” for short

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[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 month ago

Cody C. Sharpe

[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You know what, if I have a boy one day, I'll name him Pascal. Hopefully, he won't develop a lisp

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago

Or a stupid wager.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I learnt COBOL (I'm old) it's a very easy language, you basically talk, for instance to do c=a*b you write:

MULTIPLY A TO B GIVING C

and everything is tabbed, but in a good editor like emacs, it's done automatically pretty well.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I was looking into learning COBOL some years ago, because i found that verbosity interesting.

And it seemed like there's not many libs and toolboxes out there, compared to the major languages that has libs for everything, so I couldn't really use it for small projects.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Imagine a cabal of COBOL programmers called Cobol or Co Ball

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago

This kid's full name is Fortran Sucksdontlearnit Johnson. His parents actually hated Fortran. Imagine the disappointment they're about to experience.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I mean, Fortran isn't even dead. It was updated last year. Weird but it's still a used language.

https://wg5-fortran.org/f2023.html

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

And it is still living in weather forecasting models used by many weather institutes.

Source: Work for a weather institute.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

We use those too! The weather forecasting models are really important for calculating prices in the German Energy market. My company is even paying people extra for learning Fortran to do these tasks. It's really weird to talk to 20-something y/o people who actively use Fortran.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)

parents are Mr and Mrs C. and C. Plusplus

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Neither of them are very sharp

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago

Maybe it’s time to go to the court house and change their name to Lua?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Tailor Swift

Ash comes from a busybox... sh...

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Yk, you can make fun of old programming languages but the average job offer with one of them is.

Needs to know fortran/cobol

Pay: 8000€/month + benefits and unlimited sick days

Compared to the average web dev job offer:

Needs to know react, redux, angular, PHP (for managing legacy codebases) with 5+ years of experience, needs to be affluent in at least 3 languages and must have a master's degree in computer science.

Pay: 1500€/month

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Ada is good name for girl child

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago

Ada is a feminine name. The Ada language is named after Ada Lovelace.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_(programming_language)

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm naming my kid machine code.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You'll never allow him to leave the sandbox?

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

This kid is gonna get rich if they stick to it

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Well in Poland we have so many girls named "Julia", so you know...

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

i'm ready for a perl renaissance

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

As a Perl developer: not going to happen.

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