this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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So, embarassing story: I went to the baths, took off my clothes, and left my tunic there. I had nobody to watch them because my slave ran away the other day, and when I came back, it was gone. So, if there's anyone nearby willing to lend me an extra tunic, please DM me ASAP. It's getting cold here.

P.S. Does anyone know any good curses to write on my curse tablet?

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You're still in Pompeii? After the earthquake?

I swear, some people never read the bird entrails like they should...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What're you taking about? Those happen all the time. So the mountain is smoking a little more; I had a calf sacrificed to Vulcan this morning, we'll be fine.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I know my bird entrails and they are very clearly saying you should definitely not live in Pompeii. If anything, the entrails are saying Herculaneum is the place to be these days.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

May thy penis wither and look like your mom.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Well, it certainly looks like yours.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I'm currently in Misenium, on the other side of the gulf of Naples. I'll get a galley over to the other shore towards Stabiae. I'll bring a spare tunic for you.

I want to research the rumbling of the mountain, my second volume of my Historiae Naturalis needs a bit on vulcanism. It may be dangerous but 'Fortune favors the bold' is my motto.