chat

i posted in badposting that i met a femboy who wants to be referred with a different pronoun/identifier and always in quotes but y'know in every piece of art there's a nugget of truth.

anyways i did meet a femboy (which is ofc a term they prefer) a couple days ago who does prefer rotating any pronouns (but doesn't need a GUID for pronouns) and hanging out with him has been a really good push for my mental health and trying to be more well put together. I've been working on that for a while now so it's not entirely because of her influence, but she's definitely been a big help by just being around. Also, first meeting him was like, kinda absurd how well we got along, they share my music and hobby tastes to such a degree it felt like they fuckin' searched me up on LinkedIn to learn my tastes.

I've done reflection on my youth and came to the conclusion that my mom killed my enthusiasm for fashion and to some extent self-care. I've always had good self esteem, so, it wasn't that bad, but still. She had good intentions, trying to get me a nice large closet full of options and stuff, but never really let me choose what I want. If I wanted something even kinda feminine, she'd turn it down and filled my closet with stuff I didn't like, brand-names and gaudy boyish graphics. For some period, I tried "rebelling" by just getting clothes I know she didn't like, intentionally bad looking stuff that doesn't work together, just to try and exert some kind of control, but eventually, just kinda gave up on fashion and looking nice at all.

I've just had a lot of executive dysfunction regarding my wardrobe, but the local femboy definitely inspired me to actually give a shit again. He looked really good in the pictures they sent to me (i won't go into any more details have mercy on me plz ).

Anyways, i've been feeling really good the past few days and have been making substantial changes to my schedule and getting out of the funk I've been in for the past bit. I've been exercising and cleaning and doing tedious stuff. It was mostly me and using what I've learned from therapy and properly leveraging my ADHD medication, but human connection is always good :3.

The moral of the story is, put yourself out there and make some friends. And also I'm excited because yay new friend :D