You Should Know

I feel like this can be age and maturity specific as well. When I was like 14 to like 21 I was a love bomber. I had never been in a real relationship and I didn't understand how to express myself. To my misfortune, the only thing I had to go on was movies. It's the same kinda situation like having unrealistic expectations about sex by watching too much porn. Because of this I always went over the top thinking that's what you were supposed to do. I didn't understand the differences between infatuation and love until I had my first real relationship. Put a lot of things into perspective after that and I realized how much of an asshole I was being.

You should definitely know the signs and should definitely do what is listed. I'm just saying sometimes it comes from confusion and ignorance and not just malice and manipulation. The issue isn't black and white. But at the same time, even if someone is doing it out of ignorance I still believe everything above is true.

I'm not sure what my point is besides sharing my experience. I guess that sometimes the one love bombing might just be someone that is lonely and isolated and doesn't know what to do. But that shouldn't change how you react to them. Boundaries are important and this can easily be a very bad situation even if they are a good person.

I once posted a comment to Reddit that was misinterpreted as supportive of fascism (can't remember the comment but my wording must have been atrocious), and I experienced online love bombing from Nazis who were trying to recruit me into various groups. They were so nice, apart from the whole Nazi thing! It taught me something about how these groups recruit that I didn't know before. They start by showering you with compliments and offers of friendship and invitations to join various "exclusive" online groups. If I had been the kind of person they thought I was, it would have felt so good to find all these new friends, much more exciting than just a political affinity. They really try to make you feel you've found your people, who value you. Anyway, I never really knew about this side of modern Nazism before. It's quite culty. I didn't join up, by the way.

Be careful, it's also very common when falling in love.

Thank you for posting this. Great info, and much-needed in a time when many people are feeling lonely and isolated.

OP, I love your posts and I find them very interesting.

I always feel better when I'm reading your fascinating content.

Op, you are the best <3 you are so insightful and unique and special! I wish everyone could be like you! Our group would profit so much from you! We would be so happy to have you. Why don't you mail us at [email protected]

Can I somehow do this in reverse to my health insurance provider to get them to pay for my fucking antidepressants

And as always, don't forget that good people do exist. If the other party responds appropriately to you asking to set boundaries, then it's probably not love bombing and might genuinely be something good.

The catch is that the love bomb goes away, and you become devalued after the love bomb. This is usually followed by a “discard phase”, where if you try to confront the behavior, you are rejected and made to feel at fault. After you’ve become upset by this, they will often start the cycle again to keep your loyalty.

To add to this point, to maybe enlighten people who haven't experienced abuse and don't understand how someone wouldn't notice this or leave once they do - while love bombing you, an abuser will also slowly isolate you from everyone in your life you would turn to for support and make their opinions of the relationship seem unreliable.

Phrases like "it's you and me against the world", "no one understands us", "they're jealous of what we have so want to break us up" are big red flags because they're the foundations of destroying your trust in anyone but the abuser, and making you entirely dependant on them for validation, which when not love bombing, they will deprive you of to break you down further (gaslighting).

Love bombing is the first step towards coercive control.

Is this the DENNIS system?

As someone recently love bombed, yep, this is accurate. The worst part is if you let it continue it will work on you. The only winning move is not to play

Information that should be taught in school heath classes. It makes me queasy how often I have seen this from organizations and unscrupulous people in the wild. Happens a lot on campuses and wherever a lot of people are ‘new’ to an area or otherwise vulnerable socially. Predatory shit.

Awesome post, OP!

Here's a video on the topic that I found useful. It's an interview of a CIA operative explaining how conmen pick, prime, and use their prey. Fun fact: About 10% of the population lives in a world where everyone else is a tool to be manipulated using levers of reward and punishment. Once you see it, you can't go back.

Sounds like you've met my ex-wife.

Relevant https://youtu.be/ymlqxjTA3Uo