this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2024
313 points (99.4% liked)

Programmer Humor

32570 readers
138 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 27 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 109 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

HP: you are not going to get fired. You will quit.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

glances over at HP laptop I requested a replacement for 6 months ago because it overheats if I have a video call on and a spreadsheet open

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

My HP is genuinely a creepy laptop. In the BIOS is a an "HP remote setting" as well as 3 other remote modes all at the bios level asking to join my wifi, again, at the BIOS level.

I work from my home laptop. I have a small offline private network between my work laptop and home laptop that I send ansible jobs to (since the work laptop is a powerful machine), but that work laptop does not touch the internet.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Well, let's see...my work laptop experience (so far).

  • Lenovo: Worked there for 14 years
  • HP: Worked there for 6 months
  • Apple: Worked there for 6 months
  • HP: Worked there for 2.5 years
  • Apple: Worked there for a year
  • Dell: Worked there for 2.5 years--
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Alternatively, your laptop will spontaneously combust firing you from life.

I seriously don't understand how that fucking company is still in business.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Panasonic Toughbook: you accidentally applied to a job on an oil rig.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago

Haha I was going to say you're about to get shot in a foreign country.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Network Operations Field Tech. They climb the ladders and debug the cameras. Absolutely toughbook.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Siemens Field PG: you make a lot of money

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Honestly good litmus test, if you got a Thinkpad that means somebody seems to listen to IT on what to buy which does bode sort of well for a tech job

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

Looks depressingly at the shiny new ThinkPad my work got me to replace my old ThinkPad... I'd get so much fucking severance if these fucks ever laid me off - is it really never going to happen?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I requested a thinkpad and installed arch linux on it. How safe is my job?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago

Answer: how safe is the job from you?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

If you try to give notice they'll kidnap you and you'll spend the next three decades of your life singlehandedly keeping the server running from a secure location somewhere in the Poconos.

[–] st0v 18 points 2 weeks ago

ThinkPads for 24 years, same.company. last one had a terrible battery, After a few months, I couldn't take it anymore and complained about the battery life.

... now I have a Dell. Maybe that was my first strike used up.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

I've been using thinkpads as a work laptop since they were branded IBM Thinkpad. So, I have nothing further to comment.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

Guess I can stop worrying about job security for the forseeable future

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Damn, the Dell one is accurate for me.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Looking back... that was right, hmm, 7 out of 8 times. The miss was a very chill place that gave out Dells, but I lost my job because the funding round didn't come in.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Razor: if your house burns down because of the inevitable lithium fire it will cause, you're on your own

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

So far flip the dell and Lenovo around and it’s accurate for me