this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Eventually there is blood but no shit.

Better red than bidet!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago

It’s the only way I can finger myself without it being gay

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

If "red" rhymes with "bidet" you're highly American

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Y'all need jesus and fibre.

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[–] [email protected] 95 points 2 days ago (8 children)
[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 day ago (9 children)

I gave up on reddit years ago but whenever someone posts about bidets it reminds me of my favorite reddit exchange

Someone posted asking why americans don’t use bidets. I commented, saying “am american, use bidet. Love it, shits tight”

Eventually a reply came from a confused esl person asking me if I had a constipation problem because they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”

I think about that exchange more often than I should

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 day ago

eating fiber helps

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Just shit in the shower and waffle stomp!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Waffle stomp of power!!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 day ago

Anon never got a new piece of TP after the first wipe...

Just painting that starfish brown with lavish strokes

[–] [email protected] 64 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Anon needs to eat more fiber

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Funny how there's always a completely moot discussion about wiping techniques or bidets when the real issue with people having to wipe 20 times is almost always diet.

If you think that's bullshit go ahead and buy a small (for testing) pack of psyllium husk, consume two table spoons a day (in water or on top of a meal) and witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Why use toilet paper when bidet shower exists?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Yes. You just use this to blast water into your colon until it's sparkling clean inside. I love it.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 day ago (7 children)

FFS get some technique. You use 3 squares folded over and do a pinch. You then use 2 squares folded for a second pinch. The last is two squares folded for a wipe, then folded again for the last clean up wipe. Yes, bidet is better but you're gonna have to poo in a public restroom at some point. This isn't rocket surgery, people. Get it together

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago

Bidet is the obvious way to do it right. Japanese toilet second, but if you can-t go at home, at least use moist TP towelettes, and don-t flush them! Throw them in the waste bin!

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Bidet is the way, for sure. Butt if you don't have access to that, and you are unfortunately enough to have a messy shit, I suggest spitting on the toilet paper (and give it an extra fold so that it doesn't tear).

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago
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