I looked up "plant names for people"
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Trans guy here. There was no masc version of my deadname, and my parents didn't have a name picked out for if I'd been AMAB, so those routes were closed to me. I initially tried to pick something where I could keep my initials, but the only names I liked were already "in use" in my social and family circles, and it didn't feel right.
So I looked at the popularity of my deadname in my birth year, then started from that same rank on the boy name charts for the same year and worked my way out. I found a name of very similar popularity that I really liked, and met my other self-imposed criteria (nickname I liked, no nicknames that I hated, not easily misspelled or confused with a femme name). The benefit of looking at birth year popularity ranks is that I ended up with a name that doesn't sound "too old" or "too young" for me, which may or may not matter to other people.
My parents did something similar when they named us, so that we'd have names that were recognizable, but we wouldn't share our name with five other kids in our class. (My mom had a very popular name for her age group and she hated it.)
For my middle name I picked a name I always loved but that I didn't want for my first name, for practical reasons (easily misspelled, gender neutral, much more popular for younger kids than for my age group). In my area, nobody ever knows your middle name unless you go out of your way to tell them, so I let myself have more fun with it.
It's been close to a decade and I still love both of them. I "tried it on" with friends for a few months before starting legal paperwork, and I'm glad I did. Some other names I tried out didn't stick.
It's a gender-neutral variation of my birth name. I'm a simple person.
I chose my name when I was 12. I don't remember exactly, but I hit on the name Audrey and I was like, "I really like that name". Even back then in the year 2000, I knew I was trans, and so I decided to take the name for time being. It kinda stuck after years and years of being my true name. Unfortunately, I did not come out to anyone for over 20 years, so the only one who knew my name was Audrey was, well, me.
I wanted a science-based name because I'm a little nerd lol. I considered Kelvin at some point. In the end, (and I really can't remember why I specifically chose it) I named myself after Edmond Halley -- Hal as a nickname, as a reference to HAL 9000 of course.
Honestly, I sort of regret it, because Halley isn't as gender neutral as I thought and everyone considers it a girl name. I wish I'd been more out there and straight up decided to call myself Truck or Brick or something.
If you want to be called Truck, then dammit, people will call you Truck.
Also, Brick is a fine name.
aww :( that’s really too bad, i’m sorry to hear it. even with hal? i can see halley being a bit feminine, but hal reads as neutral or masc to me more.
for what it’s worth, i think halley is cool as fuck, and the origins of why you chose it are super sick.
Wow, thank you! <3 Hal is a masculine name (and I pretty much go by it all the time) but if I say my name is Halley, people just tend to assume I'm a girl. I really thought it was a gender neutral name... I'm autistic so I can't tell as easily as other people lol. I guess my advice is: when you've picked your name, ask other people whether it reads as fem or masc! I know you're cis but it can still be really annoying for people to assume you're a gender you're not because of your name.
To be fair, whether a name is considered fem/masc/gn is so arbitary, the same name can be fem to one person and masc to another, even in the same country. So I doubt that non-autistic people have an easier time with it, they'll probably just assume their own opinion is the prevalent one lol.
its funny, I go by pixel which I didn't pick with the intent of it becoming my name but when you're in gaming spaces for long enough your tag kinda becomes your name, as it were? Like I still use my "real" name in my day-to-day but just about everyone just calls me pixel outside of my family or very very long-time friends, and it's "weird" enough that it kinda reads as an enby name in the first place lol
I like how the name naturally got attached to you over the years.
Haha me too. it's funny, I decided to switch to this tag on my 15th birthday which is also coincidentally when I got involved in the gaming spaces I spent the most time in, and also when I kinda started really questioning my gender more aggressively, so going by Pixel let me fit in more and also let me sort of avoid the conversation about gender, because it wasn't a name, but the more time passed the more it was absolutely a name lmao
I stole mine from a videogame way back in highschool, 15 years before I would officially crack.
I played an RPG where the main character just resonated with me greatly. And might have also been the first female lead I'd ever played as. I held into that name as my future daughter's name, even though I didn't want kids. So it was an imaginary daughter.
When I came out as trans, I figured that I was that imaginary daughter I had been building in my mind all those years.
Oh great question! I always say everyone should consider whether they might like to change their name - i hear so often people saying they can't or don't have a reason, and you don't need one!
I took my grandmother's first name cos she's real special to me, and took my second from my favourite comic book character at the time 😅 but they sound great together!
thanks :) i’m a namenerd at heart and have been missing my r-ddit community about the topic, so thought i’d bring some of the conversation here! i love origin stories anyway lol
taking your grandmothers name is so sweet 🥺🥺 it’s like naming a kid after someone important to you, but so much more special because it’s your name. and combining it with a favourite comic character is awesome, i love this origin story :)
Well, I knew from a story my mum told me ages ago my dad wanted us all to have biblical names, which is weird because he wasn't religious in the traditional sense at all. He must have just liked the idea? And sure enough my assigned-at-birth name as well as my sisters names were from the bible. I wrote a list of female names from the bible that I could remember as a way of honouring my dad's memory and one just popped out at me.
I had already picked my mums maiden name as my last name because I was changing that too, because my original last name had a glottal thing in it that always annoyed me and sort of tripped me up? And when I put them together it was so obviously ... me.
Speaking to other trans and non-binary people that seems to happen a fair amount, but don't worry if it doesn't. Names grow on you especially with use. As it happens I got married, changed my last name and added a middle name, and I prefer this version a lot more so who knows.
Also don't feel like you have to tie yourself down to your family. My mum turned out to be an utter shit so I was delighted to be free of that surname choice anyway, and my dad had passed away years before I came out as trans and, while he had a kind heart, who knows how he would have reacted to the news? Don't be afraid to forge your own path. Don't feel like you have to associate your new name - first name or surname - with your assigned-at-birth names, even if your current relationship with your family is good.
i can go first, though again i’m not trans to be clear hahaha
for context: i’ve honestly never really liked my name, and have gone by a shortened nickname for a few years now with most of my friends. i can actually remember thinking about how i didn’t like it very much when i was probably as young as 7ish, but going by my nickname has helped me feel better about it overall in recent years.
earlier this year though, probably around january, it really just dawned on me that i don’t feel particularly connected to either my nickname or my legal name. like, even though the nick is better, it’s still just a way to try and get distance from my full name, and i realized it was a possibility for me to just pick another name altogether if i wanted to. so i started searching.
i didn’t have anything particularly in mind, and i tend to be a bit analytical with things like these, so i came up with some criteria (starting letter, syllables, nickname-able, etc), looked up baby name lists, and got to work. after looking, asking for opinions from friends, and sitting on it for a couple months, one of my friends made a suggestion for one that really “fit” me, and i’ve been pretty attached to it since- max/maxine. it’s cool, a bit masculine, has a more elegant and feminine full version, and is just generally a good fit i think.
i’ve been going by it online for a few months now and think i really like it, and would like to start going by it when i start at a new college in the fall, but am just nervous about still about if it’s really right for me or not. i’m sure it’ll be fine, but just a thought that’s been sitting in my mind awhile, making me a little anxious.
Everybody gather round for a real horror story: I chose mine because of Harry Potter before JKR came out as a transphobe. I already felt the books had problematic elements back when I chose my names (and the writing isn't like AMAZING or anything), but the fandom made a LOT of things better and wrote a lot of wonderful stuff that reclaimed a bunch of things about her world (sure it was all AUs but still). It was so fun to let my mind run wild in the fandom sandbox - I felt really free.
I had already come out with my names and had been using them for years by the time JKR went all extra with the TERF bullshit. I get depressed thinking about this to this day. Lol.
Immigrant to the U.S.
I got my English name picked out of a hat when I took a summer English class in 1st grade by the teacher who assigned everyone English names. I decided to go with it since I thought it was a chill enough name after I moved to the U.S. a few years later.
I ended up taking the boring route: I went with the name that my parents would have named me if I'd been AMAB. My deadname didn't have a masculine version, and there were no other names starting with the same letter I liked, but then I remembered when I was about 11 I'd asked my parents what they would have called me if I was born a boy. So I tried out that name, and found that it just seemed to fit. It's not too common, I don't know anybody else in my personal life with the same name, but it's common enough that people know how to spell it, and it fits my age.
I didn't like the middle name that my parents chose, though. It made my whole name a bit of a mouthful, especially as I had a longer surname at the time as well. Since middle names aren't something that get used often, I went a bit more exotic with it, and picked the closest real-world version of my favourite OC's name.
My spouse and I changed both of our surnames at the same time, as I had taken his surname when we married, but neither of us had a strong emotional attachment to it. So we selected a new one. We're both descended from a white minority group that has its own ancestral language, so we formed our new surname to fit in with the cultural naming style of that language. As a result, our surname is unique, yet doesn't look out of place in a phonebook.
My parents were supportive, so I wanted to include them since in a way I would be taking away that moment that they named their child. I asked my mom for the list of baby girl names she'd had for me and picked my favourite from them. That way she still had chosen my true name and I also got to choose one that fit me very well.
My deadname started with an "m" so I just started going by "em", which was also one of the gender neutral pronouns floating around at the time, and it just kinda stuck. Using it makes me feel agender euphoria :)
Cis, just didn’t like my birth name because I don’t like the sound of it. Weirdly enough I’m fine hearing it said if you aren’t speaking to or about me. If you’re talking to or about someone else named [my birth name] it doesn’t bother me to hear the name at all.
Found my new name by going through baby name websites and writing down every name for girls that I liked. (I prefer to be very gender-conforming in my outward presentation and want my name to be so as well.) It was a very long list. Over time, I culled names from the list and ended up with two final choices. I forget how I decided between them, but what I can say is that during the entire process, I picked names based on how they sounded to me. After all, my grievance with my birth name is how it irritates me to hear it. I did not look up the meanings behind the names. They can be interesting, but my birth name had a perfectly fine meaning and that did nothing to endear me to it.
I didn't really sit down and choose a name, it was given to me. Some friends started calling me by a shorter version of my deadname and I really liked the vibe of it, so I started going by it.
I really liked Korra from the Legend of Korra (ATLA sequel.) She resonated with me, and her struggles and growth throughout the show was very meaningful to me because of my struggles with my trans identity.
I also looked over baby name lists when I was waffling on if I wanted to fully decide on Korra, and there I discovered the alternative spelling Cora. The heart/maiden meaning was more appealing to me, so I went with that. It really just felt right once I got over the initial weirdness of being called something that wasn’t my deadname.
Funny thing, before changing my name, I never met any other Cora’s. Now I’ve met quite a few in the rather short time period. I also love that you are picking a name that is more representative of your identity :)
The story of how I got my name was both interesting and mundane.
I played a videogame named Stardew Valley and created a female character there. I don't really think about it much when choosing her name, I just wanted a plant-related feminine name so I chose Jasmine.
Many weeks later, my egg cracked and I randomly chose Jasmine as my new name. Later that day, I realized that the name was the same as my Stardew character.
I tried multiple times to find the name, like, using versions of my deadname and stuff. It didn't really click
And then just randomly chose a basic-ass russian name that I vibed with
The vibes do be powerful
As someone whose egg cracked very recently I am still unsure if Maya will be my final decision.
It's tough for me. The female Versions of my deadname were ones ingot bullied with my entire teen years so they have this very negative memory to them.
First I went in a direction of names I just find nice and pretty I guess. Starting with Sofia which didn't really fit my vibe, then Florence which is a really nice name but a bit too extra for me. Shortened it to Flora but that felt odd.
For two months now my gf and some friends have been calling me Maya. How did I find it? I reminded of the 3D program Maya. I remembered it's also a name. I liked the sound of it and it felt like it fit my vibe and so far that has been the case
Maya 3D was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw your username! Weird how some normal names become associated like that.
I mean it's literally how I remembered it being a name. And it's a pretty common one too once you look for it.
I don't mind it for now and it has been more if a conversation starter than anything. Also some one line friends keep calling me mayannaise which is funny as hell to me.
With my deadname playing with the name of it in a mocking way always felt like the worst insult possible to me. With my chosen name it's fun and I take part in it... I think that's a good sign
i had a classmate in second grade named alison, i was always soooooo jealous of her for reasons i couldn't articulate. uh yeah
this one’s actually really funny lol. when you took her name, did you also steal all her cool attributes you were jealous of?? 🫢 /j
My first name (Gabriela) is just the feminine version of my deadname. I usually prefer the shortened version (Gaby) though.
My second name (Azucena) it was actually from a soap opera my mom was watching. I couldn't care less about the show itself, but that girl was exactly the hair style and overall look I wanted to have(and to an extent, still do). But I'm leaving it as a second name because unfortunately in Puerto Rico it's a pretty rare name (and apparently the people I've asked don't like it much?).
I first saw the name in Pokémon, and immediately felt drawn to it, kinda like the people to their holes in Junji Ito's Enigma of Amigara Fault lol. I can't really explain it.
When I later realized I was trans, it was a no brainer which name I'd go with.
One of my first real big moments I can remember when I started to realize I was trans was when I was young and my parents told me what my name would have been if I was AFAB. When I heard the name I got this giddy feeling and I was like, "woah, I really like the sound of that name"
So, I decided to take it when I fully came out to myself and the world
I picked all three of my names, the first was by looking at common names from the year I was born, I just browsed baby name books until I found one that I liked. The second is the name of one of my favorite book characters. The third is a derivation of words out of a conlang that means something special to me and sounds vaguely "foreign" to anyone else.
Cis-white-gay here, adopted. Changed my name at 25 to completely dissociate myself from my adoptive "family". Went with a slightly modified version of the name on my original birth records (which I found amidst a bunch of other paperwork that really solidified my decision to leave in the first place -- that is a whole other story). I am who I was born to be, not raised to be.
Someone in my high school had the name and I really liked it. So I used it after we all graduated so it wouldn't be weird. I actually had picked a different name at first just because I didn't want to come off weird or creepy before we would never see each other again. It is a pretty uncommon name.
You would be surprised by how many of us chose off a video game character.
I'm non-binary. My first and last names are fine. First name leans gendered but is technically unisex. I'm in the process of changing my middle name from a generic gendered one to either "Moxie" or "Miles". This is because
- I don't want to have to change my initials (smh)
- I feel no affinity towards my middle name
- Miles is best Sonic the Hedgehog character
- Moxie is best soda
- My middle name appears on few documents but my initial appears on many, so fewer things to update.
(Feel free to suggest other less gendered middle names that start with "M" or try to persuade me one way or another)
I was 12, I legit don't remember how I even picked it. I tried another name for a couple weeks and thought it was too cringe (easily associated with a famous person), so I switched to my current name.
When I cracked to enby/genderfluid, I wanted a name that was genderneutral. I'm a fan of Bruce Campbell and Evil Dead, so I thought Ash(ley) worked well. Later I cracked again to transfeminine and thought "yeah, that still works."
I reused my online handle into a more traditional name, and gave myself a middle name so people nickname me my online handle without prompting lol.
I was working through a list of nature-related names, looking for an uncommon one that still sounded like a real name. I was almost ready to try out "Ember", but then I saw "Hazel" and it just clicked. So that's what I've called myself ever since!
I am cis, but my given name was very aged for my generation and grandmotherly which made me self-conscious as a kid.
When I decided to ditch my name, first I tried using my middle name, but that starts with a different letter and it turns out my brain tunes that out entirely if someone that I wasn't already listening to calls it out. I had to already be engaged in conversation with someone to respond to it, which doesn't work great if someone across the room calls out your name to try to show you something cool. My parents never did the full name scolding so I literally almost never have heard my middle name spoken aloud. My dad even thought I had my deceased sister's middle name the last time I can remember middle names coming up in discussion.
I gave up on the name change for a couple of years, but in high school I decided to give something else a shot. I started using my first initial, but spelled phonetically, for example: K spelled as Kay or L as Elle. That was the solution I needed. If someone shouts it from across the room, my brain alerts just like with my full first name. It's simple, but it works. I've stuck with it for 23 years now.
I highly recommend picking something that has a starting sound similar to your current name so your subconscious brain will still pick up on it, otherwise your friends and family will be shouting your new name over and over to get your attention while you are completely oblivious. My kid is trans and I am going through this now from the opposite end of calling the new name out repeatedly with no response because he also picked a name with no similarity to his given name.
I heard the name as a kid and I always knew it was my name internally. As a kid, I always daydreamt of a pretty girl in an overcast field with the wind blowing against her hair. I decided her name was Leyla. It wasn't until I came out that I understood that the girl was me, and had always been me.