Extremely passionate niche communities about seemingly mundane things are my absolute favorite thing about the internet.
this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
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The only thing I actually miss about reddit is the neverbrokeabone subreddit. A whole community dedicated to trash talking weak-boned bitches was just hilarious to me.
I've never broken a bone. When I remember that I become acutely aware of how fragile my bones and everything else about my body is for a while.
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Have you seen Ian's Shoelace Site? It's serious business. And actually useful.
That's so weird I taught myself how to tie my shoes in the "Ian knot" when I was like 12 to seem special and I had no idea it was a whole site.
For anyone out there who doesn't know it already, learn the Ian knot. Life saver
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Oh wow, that's the website where I learned to tie my shoelaces about 20 years ago. My shoelaces kept coming undone and I finally went to look for a solution online. Turns out I've been using a granny knot all my life until then.
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This was the internet before Facebook.
Anybody else remember bad-candy.com? It was just one guy reviewing terrible candies, like Swedish salty licorice and circus peanuts. I miss the old internet.
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There was this fantastic list on chocolate bars and taste per dollar for each. Sadly it's buried by SEO listicles and I've never been able to find it again
I have a feeling it was their favorite apple because it was good for making booze, pies and sauce, not eating raw.
Granny Smith is similar in that role nowadays.
Granny Smith is the only apple I will eat. Fight me.
Granny Smith eaters probably drink black coffee, rye whiskey neat and punch kittens.
Argh there! Are you questioning my kitten punching skills? Sounds like youre itching for a good ol fashioned whollupup! The ol kangaroo toss up. A salad with ranch dressing! If you take my meaning. Have at you!
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From lower down on that site's page dedicated to the sand-filled condom:
Fuji Apple:
Yet another demon spawn of the Red Delicious (crossed with a Ralls Janet) this gravelly choking hazard named after Fujisaki City, Japan is a J-Pop Star of an apple fit with a ravenous fanbase that many Americans will find difficult to understand. Personally, it is beyond comprehension how this super-hard medieval weapon masquerading as a fruit could become the most popular apple in Japan (and a top 5 apple worldwide). Aside from a semi-sweet initial bite, this mushy, rough-skinned, experiment gone awry is a baffling oddity with a sword-like stem so sharp it will – quite literally – stab other apples in transit. Despite this, the Fuji fandom is real, uncompromising, and dedicated. A Fuji is not for everyone but, if it’s for you, it just may be your favorite apple.
Oooh! Ooh! Why i oughta! Oohhh! Mmmmmhh! (hops around, angrily)
What?! Difficult to find at peak ripeness, sure, bit fujis are top tier crisp, sweet, and big
Lol this site is gold. Even for the good apples, the descriptions are wild.
Most would expect this clown-urine soaked frog testicle to taste like an unhealed surgical wound since each bite resembles a freshly picked scab. However, most (whoever they are) should prepare their expectations to be shattered.
Storing well through the winter, its flesh is dense, tough, and chewy like an embalmed cadaver (which quickly devolves into mush like a regular cadaver).
As a long islander I can say long island also happens to be NYs sand filled condom as a whole.
We're a bunch of sandy crotch entitled assholes lol
Staten Island is what then? Aside from really racist.
The unwashed ball sack, of course.
Isn't that apple a cider apple? It wasn't meant to be eaten.
Just like a sand-filled condom. Nice warning label.
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I will accept any opinions on apples so long as it includes:
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S Rank - Pink Lady, Granny Smith
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F Rank - Red Delicious
I'm old enough to remember when Red Delicious were the bomb. They really fucked them up by heavily breeding them for a tough skin for travel. They were so popular in the 80's they bred them to shit.
They didn't deserve this future.
I miss my Red Delicious.
Oh, holy crow! I wasn't just wearing rose tinted glasses, they actually do suck now?! I can remember Red Delicious apples in the 90's that'd make you wanna slap your grandma.
Not crazy. I live in Apple country (Ontario, Canada) and Red Delicious were my favourite apple until my 20's.
A Red Delicious used to have a snap to the skin when you bit and a crisp crunch with a semi-sweet flavour. As time went on they bred more and more for the thick skin because it was so popular. In breeding that thick skin a lot of times what you get is an apple that's mealy inside like a MacIntosh (fuck those abominations).
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/red-delicious-apples-suck_n_5b630199e4b0b15abaa061af
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The "best for" entry for Red Delicious on the site is "compost."
It's about right.
If you put granny Smith apples as S tier we have nothing to discuss, granny smiths are dogshit.
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Apple Rankings is one of the few remaining gems of the internet.
Yall motherfuckers sleeping on honeycrisp
Cosmic crisp and Evercrisp are vastly superior to Honeycrisp. Cosmic Crisps are the better version of the honeycrisp largely because you can only grow them in WA right now.
I live in shit heap Texas. I will eat my honeycrisp and dream of these wonderful apples.
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I didn't know this site existed and just checked it out. Amazing.
Newtown Pippin, now there is a name I have not heard in a very long time.
Missing my two favorites: Gravenstein and Ingrid Marie. Great eating apples, a bit of the tart side with just slight sweetness.
Its the only apple in apple hell.
Never heard of this apple but I need to know what crime this apple commits.
Also orangepippin.com
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