this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023
696 points (97.5% liked)

Microblog Memes

5946 readers
3620 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 97 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Vampires existed long before the church. They just have a brain disorder that gives them a seizure when they see straight right angles. Right angles don’t really exist in nature. Humans found out this and started making crosses. Humans created the church to maintain this knowledge during the vampires long hibernation periods of around 1000 years. (Credit to author Peter Watts “Blindside”)

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago

I loved Blindsight (the name of the book is not Blindside) but that was one of the most ridiculous paragraphs I've ever read.

The natural world is filled with right angles. Many rocks erode into perfect right angles because of their cleave points. Saplings grow at right angles to the ground. Branches of older trees are sometimes at perfect right angles to the trunk.

Anyone who has gone on a hike sees right angles everywhere. Vampires couldn't walk a kilometer without a seizure from naturally occuring right angles.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 year ago

Brutalist architecture should be super effective against vampires.

Also IKEA furniture.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Bismuth would like a word.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

came here to say that, also salt crystals

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

Nah, vampires only hibernated a generation or two. Just long enough for prey populations to grow back to sustainable levels, and just long enough forget them and begin to scoff at grandma's crazy campfire tales.

Peter Watts - Blindsight

And yes, it's hard science fiction. With a vampire ship captain. Seriously.

Many versions free on the author's site. Give the prologue a spin.

https://rifters.com/real/Blindsight.htm#Prologue

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Is this some JoJo lore or some shit?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (2 children)

This why I like the origin of vampires being Judas’ failed suicide attempt. Explains the silver allergy, too.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 86 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I forget which movie it's from, but they said the first vampire was Judas. He tried to hang himself after he betrayed Jesus but just before he died the branch broke at sunset and he became a vampire.

Explains the blood - since he can't have communion - and the silver - because he sold Jesus out for silver talents (money) - and the hatred of lower-case t, and the aversion to sunlight.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And the branch is the stake that kills them!?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Yep!

Don't know where the garlic comes in, though

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 year ago (1 children)

JC served garlic bread at the last supper. It's the only way.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And this is my body, with little Caesars garlic butter sauce

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Papa John's or GTFO

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago

He just hated it

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Reminds him of the Romans?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

He's just a food snob

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Ooh, I like this

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Dracula 2000 I wanna say was the movie.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Or like in Vampire the Masquerade how Cain was the original vampire

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (5 children)

There was a vampire movie, I forget what it's called, but part of the lore was that vampires were only affected by religious symbols from their original society. So showing a cross to a Muslim vampire wouldn't work.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Atheist vampires: It's free real state

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Atheist vampires would have to be put under a microscope to die.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

*species evolve*

atheist vampires: im in danger

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Benny in the 1999 Mummy movie carried a hodgepodge of religious symbols with him, for apparently similar reasons. It sort of worked.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The earliest concept (there may be earlier ones of course) that I remember is from the book I am Legend (1954) IIRC.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hey, just so you know -- you should edit your comment and strip the ?si= and everything after it from your link, it's a Youtube tracker that has now attached your Youtube ID to your Fediverse ID.

https://youtu.be/L6HkiZOWkaM or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM work fine without it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Or just https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM (or your other invidious instance of choice)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Much appreciated. I've been using YouTube since 09 and never had to deal with this stuff for a long time.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (4 children)

In the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, they can be held back by any symbol of power that the wielder has faith in and the stronger the faith, the stronger the symbol. For example, Harry, the main character and a wizard, uses a pentagram instead of a cross because he has faith in his magic.

I've always thought that was pretty cool and it means that theoretically a devout Pastafarian could use the symbol of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to protect themselves from vampires.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A pastafarian holding back vampires is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in the Dresden files.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Perhaps, though the Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a rhetorical device than something people tend to sincerely believe.

It’s hard enough in vampire fiction to find true believers in conventional religion.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A pastafarian would just get garlic

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

No. The Pastafarian would already be protected due to copious amounts of ingested garlic while enjoying the holy daily portion of ramen.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

That’s not an uncommon take. In Vampire: The Masquerade, the idea of “true faith” is the same.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Before 2020 or so, I had a lot of faith in humanity. Does that mean I could just touch vampires to death, or would I need to like throw a child at them?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

In the Neutronium Alchemist (or one of the books in the Nights Dawn series) a vampire basically says “I was Muslim but that cross only works if you believe it works”

E.g. it’s the fundamental belief of the person wielding it that has the “psychic” effect on the ghost/vampire/remnant.

Edit: apparently it was a ghost who was Sunni and it’s the belief of the ghost that does it. E.g. why the crucifix had no effect on him but a crescent, for example, may have.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Sorry to fact-check a pretty good shitpost, but I don't think lowercase t existed until later

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

Curse those tricksy Phoenicians, I only researched Latin and Greek vampires

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Okay, S and Q I kinda get, but what the heck happened with R?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

These came from a sort of “this sounds like” alphabet. Like if you wanted to write D but drew a picture of a dog, because that starts with a D sound. Or when someone on the phone says “A as in Adam.”

So the word for dude with a tiny hat started with an R sound, just like the word for the A sounded like an A sound.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I'm starting to think this Andrew Nadeau isn't a doctor of vampirology at all!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm going to send you so much garlic

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

I have the theory that vampires hating garlic is a rumour spread by vampires themselves because they really love garlic. Getting the humans to season themselves is a genius move.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

hissing sound

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“You are a fool, Jacinto, all of my ancestors were Jews!”

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›